Dealing with the pain...

I knew that a miscarriage had to be so hard emotionally, there was never a question about that. I know how hard it is to want a child so badly and not be able to become pregnant. I could only imagine having the thrill of finding out you're expecting and then suddenly having it all slip away. I also knew that losing a baby in the later stages of pregnancy had to be a very difficult experience. To feel a child moving, to see your body growing with your little one and then to have to deliver a baby that has passed. It makes my heart hurt and I've never even been through it. What I didn't know or couldn't have imagined was how painful it would be to lose a baby the size of a blueberry. Seven week and four days. That's how far along I was. The doctor told me that it was going to be very painful. A friend who has experienced this same loss very recently told me it was going to hurt. I just had no idea how much. I took my second dose of Misoprostol last night and in a couple hours I was in so much pain. I was taking two Percocet every four hours and I felt as though I had no pain meds in my system. The emotional side of miscarriage is very hard, but it's almost as if I don't have time to think on or grieve what I have lost right now because I'm trying my best to survive the physical side of things. Honestly, I had no idea that this would be so painful. Me and Jeremy were talking yesterday, wondering how long it would take for our minds to understand what we already know, which is that this baby is gone. Sometimes I hear a name and think, oh I like that name or I see a baby sale and think oh, I'll take a look, and then remember that we're not expecting a baby anymore. I will be very glad when I am able to be up and around and get busy. I think the grieving and healing process will really begin once my body is not constantly reminding me of our loss. I am feeling a whole lot better today. This afternoon has started some pretty heavy cramping, but nothing like what I've had the last two days. Thanks for all the prayers and love :) I can feel that God is answering