Jakob has figured out how to do a flip. He thinks it's hilarious...so do I. I will have to try to get it on video

Doctors Appointment...

I saw my endocrinologist yesterday. The day started off crazy. I was supposed to be in Fort Myers at 9:30 and new it would take me just about an hour to get to the doctors office. For some reason (I guess I had brain fog or something) we didn't even leave my house until 8:50 that morning. As we were leaving I looked at the clock (our car doesn't have a digital clock, it's analog) and thought, no it must be almost 8:00. -Yes, it is taking me a while to get used to a "regular" clock in my car especially since there's no numbers on it, just little marks.- 

Jeremy asked "what time are we supposed to be there?" and I told him 9:30 and then realized it really was almost 9:00! Ugggh! I called the docs office and asked if it was o.k. if I was 20 minutes late. It took the girl forever and I thought we'd have to turn around and come home, but eventually she got back on the phone and said it would be o.k. if we came late. When the doctor came in he told me that the medication is working. My thyroid is a little slower than it should be so I get to back off the meds some more. I will go back for bloodwork in 6 weeks and then find out if I can wean off the meds even more. As it stands I'm at 5 mg right now, so I am very hopeful that I may get to come off of it completely. I asked the doctor if the medication might slow weight loss and he said no, if anything he expected me to have gained 10-15 pounds because of my thyroid being so out of whack. He said when he looked at my chart and saw I had lost weight he thought my thyroid was over-active again. I told him I had been working very hard to lose those pounds and I wanted credit for them. (lol) So now I'm claiming a total weight loss of 25 pounds because my doctor says so (ha!). I am glad that I haven't gained back the 10 pounds I lost, that would be discouraging. Another problem I've been having is that my hair has been coming out like crazy. I hate washing my hair because it just comes out in handfuls. I had started to get worried I might go bald. The doc says no, I won't go bald, but my hair is coming out as a result of my body adjusting to the changes in my thyroid. He said as my thyroid levels out my hair will start to grow back, but it may grow back with a different texture, which could be really weird. I did ask him about the cysts, but he said they could be caused by any number of things and it would be a guessing game so he'd rather wait till the thyroid is fixed. I don't like that answer, but as in most things I must be patient. That's the news for now

I thought I'd start this post with a picture of my naked cowboy. (lol) I'm having a hard time getting my thoughts together to write a post so at least you can look at his cute little picture and it gives me some time to think :) 

Some things going on lately:

1) Potty training

I think Jakob is doing pretty good potty training. Yesterday he went until 7 or 8 o'clock at night with only one accident. Then he sat down to watch a movie and peed in his undies! I think he was too interested in the movie to hold it in because I had taken him potty not too long before that. He still does not do number 2 on the potty chair. What can I say? It's a work in progress

2) Talking

Jakob has never been a real talker. As a baby he never really babbled a lot or made many noises at all. Now, as an almost 22 month old he doesn't say too many words (he maybe says 5 words well). Most words he says consist of one letter. When he wants to push the garage button he says "t,t" When he goes potty he gets up and says "ch,ch" which means he wants a chocolate chip. I had always figured he'd talk eventually, I mean, all of us are talking and you rarely meet an adult who cannot talk. As he gets closer to two years old though we're getting a little more worried about him. I know the child is smart, he figures out anything he wants to figure out, so why won't he talk? I figure we'll give it a few more months, and at his 2 year appt. with the doctors we'll find out what we need to do. Recently we've been taking a lot more time trying to work with him on talking, but honestly he doesn't want anything to do with it

3) My health

I have been pretty tired lately (again) which I'm hoping means my thyroid meds are too high and I can cut the dosage some more. I go Friday to have my blood work done and then on the 20th I see the doctor for the first time since he put me on the meds. What I really want to talk to him about is the ovarian cysts I get every month. Thankfully since January (around the time when I quit eating processed sugar-coincidence?) I have had my cycle every month so I'm not having to worry about that any more, but the cysts are so painful and I deal with them for 1-2 weeks every month. Not fun.  

4) Travel

The beginning of June Me and Jakob will be flying to my Mom and Dad's. Amber and Dallas and baby Charlotte are going too. I cannot wait to hold my little niece. There's a girl at my church who had a baby a week and a half after Amber and I always just look at him and think that's the size Charlotte is right now. Even though this little guy was born at the weight Charlotte was at 3 weeks old :) so I think he has her beat on chunkiness. He also has her beat in the hair department. Little man has a serious mohawk on the top and he's working on a serious mullet in the back. It is so cute

5) Diet

Jeremy has now lost over 30 pounds on Atkins. Enough said. I haven't lost any weight in the last 3 months probably...well, maybe two. I'm stuck at 10 pounds lost. I only need to lose 9 more pounds to be at my "healthy bmi" which the internet tells me is 120. I think losing those last 9 pounds could take a year or more! I'm exercising, eating right, drinking enough water (still working on that one :) I guess that's another question I will ask the doc. If my thyroid or meds could slow down weight loss. He may tell me I should just be happy I haven't gained 10 pounds on the medication.

Anyways, that is my ramble for the day. If any body has any suggestions for potty training or talking training (lol) I would be glad to hear them. I have tried bribing him to talk and that doesn't even work!

Hope y'all all have a great day! 

You Cannot Lose My Love

     

 ---------------------------------
Jakob-


You will lose your baby teeth.
At times, you'll lose your faith in me.
You will lose a lot of things,
But you cannot lose my love.

You may lose your appetite,
Your guiding sense of wrong and right.
You may lose your will to fight,
But you cannot lose my love.

You will lose your confidence.
In times of trial, your common sense.
You may lose your innocence,
But you cannot lose my love.

Many things can be misplaced;
Your very memories be erased.
No matter what the time or space,
You cannot lose my love. 

Love Always,
Mommy

Song: You Cannot Lose My Love

-Sarah Groves

So tomorrow I am celebrating my 3rd Mother's day. There were times in year's past when I didn't know if I'd ever get a chance to celebrate Mother's day. I am so thankful for the gift of Motherhood. Having come from a place of such great sorrow and longing I can't help but remember other women (even those I know nothing about) who still haven't been granted the awesome gift of becoming a Mom. As we celebrate this holiday tomorrow I will be praying for those women who have yet to conceive. I know their heartache. I know no desire could ever compare with that of the desire for a child. Mother's day reminds me of where I've been and where I will be. I love Jakob more than life. He is my buddy, my heart, my greatest accomplishment to date, and I know God must have planned our journey this way for a reason. I must remember the pain of empty arms, not only because it is my story, but because there are other's on this journey also. I have to keep my mind and my heart open, even though it's a painful past so that I can be there if someone else needs encouragement. I don't know who these people are, but God does. He knows their hearts and sees their tears. When I look at Jakob and the little miracle he is and all the joy he brings to our lives I cannot help but hope that everyone gets to experience that joy in their lives. As you celebrate tomorrow please remember that there are hurting people on Mother's day. Say a prayer for those who are experiencing IF and give a big hug to the children God has given you. They are truly a blessing from above

You know you're a control freak when...

So I was sitting around thinking the other day and I thought of a situation that truly makes me nervous. I start to feel a little anxious, like I need to escape my own thoughts every time I consider this "thing."  Mostly I just try to push it out of my thoughts for a later time. Well this time I began to remind myself of God's role in the "thing" and how he will work it out according to his plan. All of a sudden I thought "But what if God doesn't want this "thing" to work out the way I want it to work out?" As if I would or even could deny God the power over that situation because his will doesn't match with mine. I kind of had to laugh at myself. What a control freak! I think a lot of fear in my life comes from not being in control of things. It gives you a helpless feeling and no one wants to feel out of control. I know that God has control of every situation. I know he will do the right thing, even if it's not what I want, it will be right because God only does right. So I commit this "thing" to God once again and just hope and pray that when the time comes I can trust him and his work. I know we all talk about faith. We're Christians, everything in our lives revolve around faith, but as I look at and examine my life I see so many instances where I turn to my own power, my own wit, my own courage when faced with a "thing" in life. The practice of faith is something that I think must be learned, through the reading of God's word, but also (this is the hardest part!) through the exercise of faith in day to day living. I wish it was easy. Read the Bible, read a few books and (BAM!) I have faith to move mountains, but it isn't so. So I will continue to remind myself to rely on God and keep laying my future in his hands (which isn't so easy for this control freak :)