Pre and Post transfer thoughts...

DISCLAIMER!!! I will warn you now this post is TMI but I've tried to share the reality of what someone going through this process experiences and this is it ;) if you're not comfortable reading about personal stuff you should probably skip this post

Yesterday was the Big day. It got here a lot faster than I would have imagined. I was not really anxious about it until Tuesday night. Tuesday night I had this freak out moment where I thought wow, I have to take all these drugs, give myself shots, wear these stupid itchy patches for the possibility of being pregnant. Then I thought well, if this doesn't work I'll have to do it all over again. I thought even if it does work I'll have to do this again to get another baby. And what if I do get pregnant? Then what? I almost died having Jakob. Thoughts of the future completely overwhelmed me. I had to remind myself of who is ultimately in control. I had to remind myself that God's plan is right and good no matter where my path takes me and he will give me grace when I need it. I was pretty nervous Tuesday night. Yesterday went by pretty quickly. I gave Jeremy a haircut. Tried to get things picked up around the house so I'm not sitting around making lists of all I should be doing. Before I knew it it was time to take Jakob to my mom's house. I was not nervous at all on the way to Pensacola. I remembered the last time we made this trip for this same purpose and knew all the prayers for me were working. I had peace. I know my future is in Gods very capable hands. Once we got to the doctors office I heard people grumbling about waiting for an hour and a half and thought oh boy...
We ended up waiting about an hour and forty five minutes. Not fun. Especially when she told us to be there fifteen minutes before our appointment time and come with a full bladder...After about an hour I had to go pee a little. I didn't empty my bladder but I had drank a (decaf) iced caramel macchiato on the way to P'cola so I had to go! When they called us back it was almost 6:30. We were hungry and I was not In the mood for chit chat. They asked me how's my bladder and I said it's about to explode. They said you may need to go empty it some. I said ok, but I already went in the lobby. The ultrasound tech said she'd look at it and let me know. She put the ultrasound thingy on my stomach for (no lie) one second and said "well, that's all I need to see, go pee for like 15 seconds and then come back" so I did. From there the doctor came in and told us we had 3 eight celled embryos. The best chance (medically speaking) for a pregnancy is eight celled embryos. When we had Jakob they put in an eight cell and a six cell. We told the doctor we still wanted to transfer only two. (Hoping for one baby not two or three!) The third embryo will continue to grow a few more days and if its healthy they will refreeze it for later. The actual transfer doesn't take long. You watch on the ultrasound as the doc takes a small catheter with a little holder on the end and navigates it to your uterus and releases the embryo. The ultrasound is on your belly the whole time because that's how the doctor sees what he's doing and there's a big TV screen in the corner of the room showing what the doctor sees. It doesn't hurt much. A little cramping when they're putting them in. Afterwards you get to lay there for 30 minutes with your very full bladder. And then you just get up and leave...so weird. The waiting room was empty. The receptionist was gone for the day. The office looked deserted. Now I'm supposed to stay off my feet for two days. I'm taking a whole bunch of medications right now. Along with my estrogen pills, baby aspirin, shots, progesterone pills and patch they've added a steroid four times a day and an antibiotic twice a day. Thankfully the last two will be done tomorrow. I'm so thankful for my cell phone because it is constantly reminding me its time for more medicine :) That's it for now friends. I cannot begin to describe how much your prayers and kind words have meant to me. This next Wednesday is our pregnancy test. I'm sure the week will fly by just like the last month has and of course I'll share my results with you as soon as I know anything.
Much love,
Shauna

P.S.- I wrote this from my phone in bed so if there's misspellings please forgive me this once. It's too hard to proof read on this small screen

Update...

Just a quick update...
I had another ultrasound/blood draw yesterday. Everything still looks great. My embryos have arrived in Pensacola. With Jakob they used embryos that were frozen at an earlier stage (day 2) and thawed them and let them grow to day five then transferred. Linda said they like to stick with what worked the first time so that's what we're going to do. She didn't give me an exact transfer date because it all depends on when the embryologist can thaw the embryos. I won't start my progesterone until a few days before the transfer so that's on hold for now also. Yesterday was really slammed at the RE's office. I walked in and there were about 30 people in the waiting room. Two people were standing and I stood with them. I think they may have to start looking for a larger space as the business grows. (He was rated the number one IF doctor in Florida not to mention people from Alabama and Georgia come to him). My friend Jillian had told me her friend Tara was seeing Dr. Ripps also so I decided to keep an eye out for her. She came in about 10 minutes after I did yesterday. We sat and talked IF and treatments and family and all kinds of stuff. It was nice because it helped the hour of waiting go by faster. There was a girl there who was having some of the same issues I had with OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation) and she was super nervous. For my IF friends her estrogen was at 10,000 a couple weeks ago. Last week it was 3500. Normal is 500. She was very scared about getting OHSS. I gave her my phone number and told her to call or text if she has questions. She lives in Crestview, right down the road from my church. Coincidence? We'll see. After the appointment I met up with Jessi Senn for lunch. It was nice to catch up. I haven't seen her in a while. I am getting more excited about the transfer and possibility of another baby. It's kind of hard because I try not to imagine life with another baby, I think that will just make it more devastating if I don't get pregnant. But...it's hard when people speak to you as if you will get pregnant. I know they're being optimistic for me when it's hard for me to be for myself. I have been praying that God will give me grace and peace to accept his work and will whether it's the answer I want or not. The unknown is the hardest part of this process. There's nobody I can go to to make sure I get pregnant. I do know though that my future is in the hands of a God who loved me before the world was even created. He chose to send his son to suffer and die for my sins. How can I not trust a God who loves me that much???

Worst part so far...

Day one ;)

Day four haha!

Who woulda thought the worst part of this FET so far are these stupid estrogen patches!!! I knew that they drove me nuts but this time they are really bugging me. As you can see from the second picture I ripped the patch off the very first night because it was itching so badly I couldn't even sleep. Once I ripped the edge off to scratch underneath it it wouldn't stick anymore :/ so I had to get creative and I taped it on with bandaids. Lovely right? Oh well. Another observation...I have gained some weight since I started this cycle and I am not liking it, but I'm trying to remember that it is for a good cause and hopefully I'll get pregnant and then I have an excuse why I gained the weight. Another observation...I've been using insulin syringes for my Lupron but I ran out of the ones that came in the kit with the meds so I opened the new package they sent me and they are soooo awesome! I didn't even feel the shot last night. The difference? Lubricated needles. Why didn't they think of this sooner :) If only that would help with the big needle...