Christmas post...

Christmas went very well this year. It is always a fun time, but having Jakob with us made it a thousand times better. Jeremy, who loves to sleep in on his days off was up at 7:30 and ready to open gifts with Jake. We only bought Jakob one present this year, because we knew he didn't really care too much about it anyways and he doesn't really need too much right now because he just had a baby shower about 5 months ago. We bought him the little thing that hangs on the side of the bed and plays music and nature sounds, the little animals on the inside move around too. When we got to Jakey's Gamma's house (Jeremy's mom) she had a ton, and I mean a TON of toys for him. We didn't take pictures, but he got so much stuff. He is definitely prepared for every stage that he will hit until he turns one. There were Duplo blocks, a glow worm, a punching penguin, teething toys, I can't even remember it all. It's still sitting in his room, I've got to set up his toy bins today. Aunt Amber sent him some Lego blocks, they're the bigger kind for when he's about a year old. My Mom and Dad bought him tons of clothes. He is in 9 month stuff right now, so my mom bought him some winter nine month stuff. The child made out like a bandit. Me and Jeremy didn't buy anything for each other this year. We have been paying off our IVF bill, and hopefully by the end of January, or early February will actually have that payed off (that will be a great Christmas present). About 14,000-15,000 dollars payed off in a little over a year!!! (yeah!) Dave Ramsey would be so proud :) We did receive alot of gifts from our families though (we bought for them too). We got a new digital video camera, which will definitely be nice, I got a digital picture frame, which I am totally loving (!) and alot of other stuff. Of course Christmas is not all about the gifts. We had a great time with family eating lots of food...I made this mushroom dish that I found on Food Network, and it was so yummy. We played Bible Trivia and Are you Smarter than a Fifth Grader DVD game. We had alot of fun. Day after Christmas Jeremy stayed home and put away all the gifts, and I went out shopping with his mom, that was very sweet of him. Jakob's first Christmas was very successful, and it will only get better from here. Our first Christmas with Jakob probablly ranks as one of the best of all time! Hope you all had a great time too. Love ya! -Me

Christmas pics...

Hi dad... Ooooh, what's that??? There's my boy... (he got a booster seat from Mimi and Papa,he can't wait to get to use it!) Gamma's house...yes, there are toys everywhere... Picture of Me, Jeremy, Kara and Daniel...and yes, more toys...

More Christmas pics...

Our Christmas morning picture... Jakob opening his present from mommy and daddy... Present from cousin Will.... Present from Mimi and Papa (Great Grandma and Grandpa)

Christmas pictures...

This is the sweet little face I woke up to on Christmas morning. This little boy is such a sweetheart, he just makes me so happy.

Christmas eve...

This afternoon me and Jeremy will load Jakob up and drive to Eufala to my grandpa's house. Tomorrow really early we'll wake up and head to Georgia. Uncle Jim's funeral is tomorrow morning at 10:30. I'm gonna try to make it back in town on Thursday so that we can have our traditional present exchange at Jeremy's parents house Thursday night, but we will see. There will be alot of family at the funeral that have never met Jakob so I can't just rush out afterwards. Please pray for my dad, my Aunt Betty has asked him to speak at the funeral. I know it will be emotional for him, just pray God will direct him in what to say. We are all doing alot better here, knowing that Uncle Jim is out of pain and in Heaven with Jesus. There are no bad memories with him, and no regrets about the way he lived his life. Isn't that how we should all try to leave this world? Thursday night we're supposed to get alot of heavy rain here in Northwest Florida, so if you think about it please pray for our safety on the road. I love you all and hope you have a great Christmas eve, and a Wonderful Christmas. Thank-you God that you sent your only son to earth to die for us! I will post Christmas pictures later!

Saying goodbye...

Losing the ones we love is never easy. Even knowing that they trusted Jesus as their personal savior and are sharing in the joys of Heaven doesn't help the pain of missing them in this life. Today one of the most important people in my life will be taken off of life support, and he will pass on to Heaven. My Uncle Jim (my great uncle) is so important to me and my family, and we will have a hole in our hearts that will never be filled. To understand his importance in our lives I have to dredge up some memories that could be very sad, but they are not, thanks to Uncle Jim and Aunt Betty. Please excuse me for bringing up some very personal feelings, but this is my blog, and this post will help me so much in the years to come. Also, alot of you who read this blog have met, or even spent a great deal of time with Aunt Betty and Uncle Jim, so you love them too. Growing up my grandparents got mad at my dad for something...don't really know what, but I think it was because we didn't go to Tampa for Christmas or something like that. From that point on when we went to Tampa they were not at home...It's hard for me to imagine this as a mother, who sees how her parents adore her little boy, how you could ever miss out on your grandchild's life by choice. Well, it happened to us. We never missed out on a thing though, because we had a wonderful set of (chosen) grandparents in my dad's Aunt and Uncle. Every Easter growing up we'd be at their house. We'd color eggs, and go to their Church for Easter Sunday. Every Thanksgiving we'd eat dinner at their house, I even remember a few where I was sick, and puking my guts up on Thanksgiving day, but we were always in Georgia. We vacationed at their Lakehouse and visited whenever we could. I never even thought about what I was missing, because I had no reason to. Once I got married I wrote Aunt Betty and Uncle Jim a letter, thanking them for taking us in when our own family rejected us. I told them that they will always in my heart be my grandparents. They didn't have to be, but they chose to, that makes it so special. Most of you know when I was about 15 years old (Carissa was a baby) we started to see our grandparents, and got to know them more like family.My grandma actually apologized to my dad, and the relationship was mended. There is no bitterness in my heart towards them, I love them both, but they did miss out. My memories of Uncle Jim are so precious. He was a soul winner and a great Christian witness. He loved our family, and he'd get all teary eyed when we showed up at his door, and almost bring you to tears when we left his house. He loved us so much. With every loved one I lose Heaven seems so much more near, and I thank God I have the assurance that I will be with Uncle Jim again someday.

My most special Christmas gift...

Yep, he's four months old!

Yes, to the doctors again!!!...

So yesterday morning at 4:00 I woke up with a horrible pain in my lower back. At first I thought, well maybe I'm ovulating. (I know what you're thinking what kind of person thinks of that first thing...it's the IF brain that's still there) As I laid in bed and tried to go back to sleep it just got worse and worse. I got out of bed and tried to get my mind off the pain. Finally I woke Jeremy up around 5:30 and showed him where my back was hurting. (It was soooo painful) He said that is where my kidneys are, do I need to go to the hospital? I do not ever want to go to another hospital!!! I know I will have to one day, and I'll have to suck it up and deal with it, but I don't want to go! I decided to wait until the doctors office opened and then go see him. In the meantime I'm looking up symptoms on the computer and figured out that it's either got to be a kidney stone, or appendicitis. Oh great. Can I ever just get better? I realize that they pumped me full of meds after I had Jake, and there may be reprecussions from that, but I just want to have a length of time where i actually feel good. The nurse on the phone says the doctor does want to see me, but they can't get me in till 9:30, and then I still may have to wait a while. Dr. C is not in today, so I have to see his P.A. We took Jakob to Jeremy's mom's house and went to the doctor's office. We sat and waited for about and hour and a half then I finally saw the doctor. He sent me down the hall for blood work and a stomach x-ray. There was no kidney stone (thank-God!) but there was sign of an infection in my urine, and where I was having pain was consistent with my appendix, so he sent some of the blood out for testing. Thankfully I am not having problems with my appendix either, I was just experiencing pain with the infection. I am on antibiotics and the pain in my back is totally gone today. Anyways, I'm still hoping and praying that one day I will be all better, and won't have to freak out at any little sign of a problem. :)

New LIFE (New leaders in infertility and endocrinology)

We took Jakob to New LIFE today to visit with everybody there. They had a fit over him. This picture is Linda the IVF coordinator (white shirt) and Kim the ultrasound tech (blue shirt). Kim was pregnant with baby number 4 when I last saw her, she looks great! Doctor Ripps is in the shirt and tie, and the other guy is doctor Minhas, he is the embryologist who mixed all the eggs and sperm. When he saw Jakob he said, Ooooh, we mixed the perfect ones :) I would have to agree. They're gonna put our picture of Jake up on the website, and they want us to write a testimonial. I am trying to write it without sounding sappy, or like I'm sucking up, but I truly love all these people. How can I not absolutely adore the people who traveled this road of infertility with me and (with God's help) gave me the most wonderful gift. I have to say the road has been hard. I've been an emotional wreck for the past couple years, but I wouldn't change a thing. I have my Jakey, I have my memories, and I have my faith in God. I couldn't ask for more.

A year later...

Well, last December 13th was a special day for me. It was a day full of anxiousness and hope, I was so excited, yet so nervous. I was praying that if things didn't work out the way I wanted them to that God would help me to accept his will and not become bitter. December 13th 2009 was the day they transferred two little embryo's into my body. I remember we went to the doctor's office, and no lights were on. We opened the front door and there was no one at the receptionist desk. (keep in mind it was a Saturday) Jeremy and I kinda looked at each other hoping we didn't get the date wrong, but we knew we hadn't. We went back through the door to the exam rooms, and everyone was busy preparing for our transfer. Putting the little embryo's in was simple. It took Dr. Ripps all of 20 seconds. Waiting on the table I was just hoping and hoping that this IVF would work. How heartbroken I'd be if it didn't. I was supposed to wait 30 minutes before getting up. They want to make sure the embryo's aren't harmed and have a chance to settle. I could barely wait 15 minutes with all the water they have you drink beforehand, and I had to get up and go to the bathroom. Oh no, did I just mess everything up? I couldn't make it any longer. I'm just gonna have to trust God with this whole situation. If his will is for me to have these babies then he will have to keep them safe. We left the office not too long after that with the BETA (blood test) scheduled for December 24th. Oh my. Now my heart is beating. This could be either a really good Christmas, or the worst Christmas of my life. Lord, I just have to trust you. Two weeks went by. Should I take a home pregnancy test? I want to know so bad, yet I am terrified that it might be negative. I really don't want to get a false negative and be so upset if I am pregnant, that could hurt the bab(y)(ies). I ask Jeremy about it and he says NO! you just need to be patient and wait till the BETA. (I think he was a little nervous to know too) So I waited. December 24th came around and we once again drove to Pensacola to Dr. Ripps office and had blood drawn. Linda told me she'd call me around 2:00. We came back to Crestview and went grocery shopping at Wal-mart. Anything to pass the time away. Around 2:00 we got a phone call. I had already told Jeremy that I wanted him to hear first, then he could tell me if it was good or bad. I knew if it was bad news that I would be an emotional wreck, and I didn't want to be on the phone with Linda when that happened. Really I would just rather receive the bad news from Jeremy. Jeremy answers the phone and says, "hi Linda, Mhhhhmm, mhhhhm, o.k., o.k. I will." The whole time I'm watching his face, trying to see if it's good news or bad. At one point I kinda saw a little smile come across his face, but he was being very serious. I had a feeling it was good news. He hung up the phone. He tries to tell me it was negative, but can't hold his smile in, I knew it was positive! "We're gonna be parents" he tells me. I cried nervous, overjoyed tears. Linda wanted me to call back once he told me. I called her and she said, "Jeremy wasn't as excited as I thought he'd be" then I explained what he was attempting to do and she just laughed. What a journey we've made in the past year. From the little tiny ball of cells (above) to the sweet, precious, happy baby below. I love Jakob more than words could ever say. I will always be amazed at the way he came into being and in awe of the Great God who formed and created him. I love Dr. Ripps and all his staff, but had God not allowed it I wouldn't have my son today. I praise God for the wonderful works he has done for me. What a difference a year makes... Psalm 107:13- Then they cried unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them out of their distresses. 14- He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and brake their bands in sunder. 15- Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! God is great indeed!

Jakob with his Baby Woody from Disney World Jakob eating Woody

So cute! Can't wait to take him to Disney World one day :)

Roly-Poly baby...

Jakey is getting very roly poly as you can see in these pics... -yes, I am saving these pictures for blackmail when he starts dating :) -

Making Christmas memories...

I just got done putting up the Christmas tree. I was thinking while putting it up that it would be really nice to have a real tree. The reason why I have a fake tree goes back to our first Christmas as a married couple (Dec.2004). We went out and picked out a real tree. Took it home and set it up. It was a little hard to get it into the Christmas tree stand, but we finally did it. Our tree looked so pretty for days and days. One night we were in bed, and heard this loud crash...yep, our tree fell over in the living room. Upon further examination our trees trunk was very crooked and It could not stand up very well. Once we picked it up and got it situated so it wouldn't fall over any more I noticed a huge green stain on my carpet...yep, our beautiful Christmas tree was spray painted green (I guess to keep it looking nice or something? We obviously don't have trees like that growing around here). Thankfully my aunt and uncle owned a carpet cleaning business, so my aunt gave me this miracle potion that got all the stains out. (only "professionals" can buy this stuff, but it'll get any stain out, even purple grape juice -as I learned from experience)When the tree fell over it left alot of pine needles on the floor, so I got my vacuum out and vacuumed it all up. A large amount of pine needles will clog up your vacuum cleaner ladies, so don't try it at home! I eventually had to trash the vacuum because it never worked right again. Thinking back I chuckle at that whole fiasco. It was pretty funny, just not at the time. I think next year we will buy a real tree, Jakob will be old enough to appreciate it. Yes, I will check the trunk of it, and I think we'll go to Defuniak and visit the Christmas tree farm, so we won't be needing any green spray paint. The things you learn once you're out on your own huh? Like not putting your pretty smelling Christmas candles in the attic, or they will melt all over your Christmas tree skirt and Christmas stockings...hehe, another story for another time. I hope you all are enjoying this time of year and remembering the Reason for this Season. Love, Shauna

Not much going on...

Not much to write, but thought I'd post anyways. My parents are gone to Disney this week, so I've been babysitting Noah for my mom. I've been getting a taste of what having two kids would be like. (crazy!) Noah's being a good boy though so it's o.k. Tomorrow Jeremy's taking me to Destin, and we're gonna return some stuff at Bass Pro and do some shopping :) I got an appointment to get my wisdom teeth pulled on the 30th of Dec. When the dentist looked at my x-rays in October he said that the root of my bottom wisdom teeth are growing towards a nerve and I need to get them pulled out. I was trying to wait till early next year to get them done (mostly because I'm a chicken) but I've been having some strange feelings in my teeth, so I think I need to get it done. I am gonna get all four pulled out at once (!) and I'm a little nervous, but figure I might as well get it over with. My little fella is getting bigger (what else is new?) we weighed him the other day and he weighed over 18 pounds. 3 months old and 18 pounds!!! My camera needs some batteries which is why I have no new pictures lately. Tomorrow night I'm going with Kara to the Noah's Ark christmas party (my old job) at Coach and Four and everyone is dying to meet the baby. I'm really excited about that. Well, that's about all that's going on right now. Hope you all have a great weekend!!! Love,

I am so thankful that God is faithful even when we're not...

Thoughts on Thanksgiving...

Thinking back.... This time last year my Jakob was just a little frozen embryo waiting for his mommy to get better. I was recuperating from my OHSS and a little disappointed that we didn't get to do our transfer in October....but very thankful to be getting better. This year... My little guy is asleep in his room. He slept from 8:00 last night till 5:00 this morning. I watch him and am totally in wonder that this chubby, happy, content baby was a little ball of 8 cells last year...8 frozen cells!!! Thank the Lord for modern medicine. I cannot even begin to thank God for everything he has done in my life. Jeremy and I have been talking, and there is one thing that we as Americans seem to miss sometimes. That is the fact that God is good, no matter our circumstances. We seem to think God is good because he blesses us with good things. God's very nature is goodness. Whether he does good things for us or not does not change the fact that he is good. It does make the fact that he chooses to bless us that much greater though. God did not have to give me my house, or my husband, or my baby. He did all that because he wanted to. I praise him for all he is and thank him for all he does. This thanksgiving is very special to me and I hope that you all have a very special thanksgiving also. Love,

First cold ever...

Well, we are fighting our first cold...Jakob has been having alot of "stuff" in his nose to the point to where he can't breathe all that well and is not sleeping well. Eating is sometimes hard too. I've been using the salene(?) up his nose and trying to suck something out, but it seems that the snot is way up there and can't be sucked out. Last night I turned on his humidifier and he had little snot crusties (TMI right?) underneath his nose. I was happy for that because that means the "stuff" is breaking up and coming out. I've also been taking extra vitamin-c to try to help his immune system. Hopefully he'll get over this "stuff" without getting too sick.

Sitting in the Bumbo...

Jake singing with daddy...

We sing all the time to Jakob. I think maybe we sing to him more than we talk to him. -when we talk to him we usually put it to music and make up songs- This is Jeremy "rocking" Jakob to sleep at night. As you can see little Jake had other ideas. It was so cute. :)

3 Months...

Wow, where has the time gone? It seems like only yesterday I had this little guy in my tummy, and now...well, let's just say he would never fit back in there(!) In another sense if feels as though Jakob has always been here. He just so naturally fits into our lives, and loves us with an unconditional and un-earned love. (I know we worked hard to get him here, but he doesn't know that, and yet he still lights up when he sees us, or hears our voices, it's really amazing) It is so neat to watch Jakob learn new things every day. To see surprise register on his face when he notices something that's been around, but he's really seeing it for the first time. Every time I hold him in my arms (especially the quiet times, when rocking or comforting him) I just thank God for him. There's really no words to express my gratitude. Usually I'm just blubbering and trying to get words out, but God knows my heart. It's amazing the depths of despair and sadness that you can reach, and one little life can turn it all around. When I hold my son I don't remember all the sadness. I don't remember the heartache. God is truly awesome in that way. He can take all the bad things and put them into perspective, and even allow you to be thankful for them somehow. Jakob, I've enjoyed these past three months, watching you, my little miracle grow and mature. I never can thank God enough...

Prayer Request...

O.k. girls, so here's the skinny... Jeremy graduates from college with his Master's in December. We already knew that he would start looking for jobs once he got close to finishing. With his education behind him Jeremy is ready to have more responsibility @ work and with all the student loans (thankfully we only have them on his graduate degree, but grad classes are expensive!) we knew that he needs to find a job making more money. So lately he's been putting his resume out all over the south east. (that is where his experience and knowledge is based) He got an e-mail saying that his resume has been passed on to the people who are doing the hiring for four different jobs. Two in Mississippi and two in Georgia. Yesterday a job opened up on Eglin, where Jeremy already works, so he applied for that one. Of course you know I want to stay in this area, where Jakob can be around his grandparents and aunts and where I've lived my whole life. I'm really not excited about the thought of moving to Mississippi, Georgia is o.k., but I like Florida! Please pray with us that God's will is done. (I'm hoping that will resides in Fl, but we'll see) I'm excited for Jeremy, cause he's worked really hard to get to this point and really deserves to move up in his profession. We'd really appreciate all the prayers we can get right now! <3<3<3

Encouraging words...

So I have to tell you all that I was very encouraged tonight. I found out a lady at church had the same blood pressure issue that I did with her first child. I asked her if she had the problem with her second child and she said no.She was told she'd be on blood pressure medication as she got older, and she has an 18 year old son (I know that's not really that old) and she has not needed any blood pressure meds so far. Sometimes when I think about having another baby (in the future) I have all the thoughts any other mother would have...would I have a girl or boy, would the baby look like me? Other times all I can think of is being in the Emergency room feeling so bad, scared to death that I was gonna die and leave my husband and son behind. I get nervous, and really just feel like I'm gonna throw up. You just don't know how scared I was. I have to remind myself God is in control. God allowed me to get pregnant.I used to wonder if God gave me what I wanted even though it was not good for me just because I begged him so much, and he decided -fine, I'll let you have it and show you why I said no-, but I don't believe that. I believe God (as our earthly parents do) wants to give us good things. God allowed me to go through this for some reason. I do not understand what that reason is, but I believe it. I don't know if I'll ever get over this nervousness I feel when I think of another pregnancy. I'm really just gonna have to pray for the grace and the leading of God to let me know if and when the right time comes. I hope to grow from my last experience and take that with me no matter what type of pregnancy or any other experience that comes my way. God has taken good care of me. I know that he will continue to do that. I have a very special prayer request that I'm not yet ready to share with everyone, but if you'd pray for our family (God knows the request) I would really appreciate it. I love you all and thank-you for your friendship!

Jakob meets his Great-Grandpa for the first time...

(My grandpa could not get over the fact that Jake has blue eyes. We all assumed he'd have the Copeland brown eyes!)

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'

Guess what Jakob did this morning? He rolled over on my bed! He did it two times, and then didn't do it anymore. I know the bed is softer than the floor, so I'm not thinking he'll keep doing it, but I'm glad that he is figuring out to lean to the side. After he rolled over I could tell he thought it was cool, and he kept leaning trying to roll again, but he didn't pick up his leg, so he couldn't do it. He gets so excited...it's so cute :)

A growing boy!...

Ok, so I had to go through Jakob's dresser and take out clothes that he can no longer wear. This pile is all the 0-3 months that he has already outgrown! He is now in 6 month clothes. He has a few 3-6 month that will fit him. There's also a bag of Newborn stuff that needs to be put up too! Where is the time going?

Pictures...

Wearing Mommy's glasses...(I know, bad mommy, but it's cute!) Standing in the exersauser (with the help of a towel under the feet, and a pillow in front of the belly) "When God created me he was just showing off" onesie from cousin Rachel

Jakob watching his mobile...

Ready for church...Now where's mom and dad?

Not today... :(

Well y'all, the plan for today was to go and visit my RE (infertility doc) and his staff and show off the baby... Jeremy woke up with a bad sore throat and doesn't feel well at all, so the trip is postponed for another day. Oh well. I kinda have mixed feelings about going back. I'm gonna feel really bad taking my baby into a room filled with women who want nothing more than a child of their own. I remember my own feelings when women would be in there with little children. Now I'm on the other side though and understand that IVF or IUI is the only way I will have children, and is for other women too. Sometimes you may not be able to find a babysitter, but just because you have a child doesn't make you any less of an IF patient. I do want to go back though. The doctor and staff at New Life are like family. They get the biggest thrill out of meeting these babies that they had a hand in helping get here. They told me once that alot of women don't go back and see them . They probably have some of the same feelings I do. I also want Jakob's picture on that big board in the back...a testimony of God's grace, and our little miracle.

Pics of Jake and Daddy...

Answered prayers...

Most of you probably remember me asking prayer for my friend Jaylene. She has suffered 4 miscarriages and was pregnant again. Well, these are pictures from Jaylene's baby shower. She is now 36 weeks along and off of her progesterone (which helped her carry the pregnancy) and could have this baby anytime the Lord allows. I just have to thank God that I had my little miracle baby with me at this shower. This is the first baby shower that my arms and heart were not empty. (well, actually my arms were usually empty because someone was always holding Jakob, but my heart was full ) It is so wonderful to know how much I love Jake, and to know that Jaylene and Jeremy have been wanting a baby so bad and now they will have a little person of their own to love. Jaylene works at the health food store in Niceville, and is very health conscious so she got alot of organic stuff at her shower. Isn't the organic onesie cute? I give her a hard time about her "natural" living, but when I'm sick or having an issue I always talk to her. It was so much fun celebrating with Jaylene! P.s.- Dana you're next!