Friends, Meet Linda...

Yesterday Jeremy and I went to meet with Linda, the IVF coordinator at New Life (that's the name of the doctors office). Linda is the one who did my iui's... Now she's in her territory. She's a really nice person and very upbeat and excited about starting this new IVF cycle. So yesterday we had to sign off on about 100 different questions having to do with IVF. Do we want to fertilize all the eggs, or just some of them. Do we want to cryopreserve (freeze) any left over healthy embryos? If one of us disappears or dies what do we want done with the embryo's? I know that's a strange question. There's an even stranger one : In the event that we separate or divorce, who would get custody of the embryos that have been frozen and are waiting to be used? Isn't that a mind blowing question??? I told you there's alot of thinking and decisions to be made when you get to this point. They also asked if we would choose "selective reduction" (aka abortion) if we had more than two babies conceived. She said they'd reduce the number to twins. I'm sitting there thinking "I've worked so hard to get to this point if I actually get pregnant you will not do anything to harm theses little ones." Of course we said absolutely not!!! We're trying our best to get two babies from this IVF but no more. If God chooses to give us more than two we'll gladly and appreciatively love and cherish every one of them. How sad someone would work so hard for a baby and then willingly choose to kill one or two or any of them because it's "too many". Anyways, I've gotta go on the 10th of September to do a "trial transfer" where they practice putting the catheter in with the tube that will hold the embryos. They make sure they know anything that could happen so the day of the transfer there are no problems. They're also gonna go in with a camera and make sure the inside of my uterus looks good and ready to receive the embryos. On the twelfth of September me and Jeremy will go to have blood drawn for "infectious disease testing". Those are the only two appointment scheduled so far. They only tell you things as you need to start doing them because it's so much information to process you'd get it all mixed up. I'll continue to write and keep you all updated on the process as it goes on.

Girls night at Jills

About 2 weeks ago we had a girls night at Jillians house. Jill taught me, Alina and Tanya how to make sushi. (we made it with crab & lobster meat, no raw fish I'll leave that to the professionals) We ate dinner and attempted to play a game, but as is always the case we talked too much and much too randomly (thanks Alina!) to finish the game. A couple of movies also played in the background but once again we just gabbed and didn't pay much attention to the movie. I actually wasn't going to stay the night, but we were having so much fun that it got late really fast. I didn't want to attempt driving home around midnight so I stayed. Alina made this cold coffee drink and only Jillian and I drank it. We could not sleep! If you know Alina then you know she's always hyper and happy and awake. I felt like her that night. We stayed up till 5:30 in the morning. We talked about the Lord and friends and just had a really good time. When we finally all laid down to sleep for a while Jill's neighbors started getting up and around. All in all I say it was a very successful girls night. We decided we can only do the up all night thing maybe every six months. It's so good to have friends isn't it???

Thanks Jill!

Well, as you will probably notice I have changed the blog a little. I must say a huge thanks to Jillian because she told me where to find these really cool backgrounds. I also have to thank her for a whole hour of my afternoon wasted!!! (j/k) I have to tell you that Jeremy spends hours and hours on the computer playing this one particular gladiator game, but let me try to work on this thing for 30 minutes and he will not quit bugging me!!! Who needs kids to gripe about when you have a husband huh? I love him anyways. Thanks Jill. Love ya girl. Me

Speaking of IVF....

On Wednesday we went to P-Cola to talk with Dr. Ripps about the "next step" which for us is IVF. I have been really worried about the moral issues that come with something like IVF. You know, if you consider the little embryos to be the beginning of a human being then you might have a problem with 15 or 20 of your own little people just sitting in a freezer somewhere. You can't throw them out and I definitely wouldn't let them be donated to science. Dr. Ripps explained the process (very basically) to us and it made me feel alot better. As soon as I start my period I will go on a birth control pill. I will also start on a progesterone shot (Doc says this shot is most uncomfortable). The needle on this shot is very long and thick and it is another shot in the rear end. Good thing God gave me some padding back there. :) Once I've been on the birth control pills for about 3 weeks I will start on the shots to build up the eggs again. Thankfully I have alot of the follistim left, so I can use that. (that also saves us a couple thousand dollars on meds) When they're ready to do the procedure they will take a needle and insert it into my ovary and suck out the fluid in the ovary. (the eggs will be in the fluid and then they can just remove them.) Once they extract the eggs they will take one sperm and inject it into one egg, fertilizing the egg. Dr. Ripps says that with our sperm issue and the procedure of fertilizing the egg our chances of conception are about 80-90 percent. Let's just pray we don't find any other problems that we didn't know about. Approximately 24-48 hours after the eggs are fertilized they will be placed in my uterus via artificial insemination (of which I am an old pro). The doctor said he wants me to take it very easy for a while after that. About 10 days after IVF we will go in for a pregnancy test. All of this will be accomplished by the end of October. Doctor Ripps said that when they extract the eggs we will probably get 12-15 eggs since I am so young and seem to have no issues with making eggs. He also said though that once you start the process of fertilization that number falls away very quickly. He guessed that we will probably have 4 or 5 viable embryos to implant. He recommends that we implant no more than 2 because the likelihood is that both will become a baby. I'm ok with two babies at once. I don't think we need more than that right now...but after all I've been through I will not complain no matter what happens. We will have embryos left over, and we will have them frozen and a couple years down the road they can do IUI again and we could have another baby. (this time payed for by insurance)!!! So, my concerns were quieted. I know people have alot of different opinions on IVF but I must say that you shouldn't judge someone if you haven't been in their situation. I have a great deal of peace in my heart, and I feel like this is it... We may be parents by the end of the month of October. Two months away, can you even believe it??? This is very exciting. It is gonna be harder than the last two procedures, the drugs are alot stronger, even the follistim I will be taking larger doses of. Just keep us in your prayers. I will write again soon. Shauna

The pampered chef

Last night I went to a pampered chef party (the third one in three or four months) at my friend Jenny's house. Jenny is the one who's selling the pampered chef. My friend Tanya is the one who hosted the party. I think if we had a party every month people would order. It's just fun to get women together and eat and talk. I ordered a couple of things and we all ordered a "house warming" gift for Tanya because she recently moved to the area and is wanting to learn to cook. All of our parties so far have been mostly people from church. I am so thankful that we are so close in our church. These people are not just my friends but my closest family. The blood of Jesus Christ has drawn people of all walks of life, all different personalities and likes and dislikes and made us brothers and sisters. I thank God for all of you ladies and your families. I love you and I'm ready for Mrs. Sharon's party in September!!!

More results

Hey everyone, I know it's been a couple of days since I had the pregnancy test done. I guess I always need a little time to just think about the results before I actually write them. They were negative again. Believe me if ever we get a positive I will probably call each and every one of you myself and tell you right away. I already knew that the test would be negative because I had started spotting on tuesday night before the appointment. When I woke up wednesday morning I was a wreck. I just hate having to go get blood drawn and everyone there is telling you it could still happen when I know my body and I know that my period is coming. I also don't like losing control of my emotions... usually I can hold them in. Obviously this time of the month is not that time. I just cried and cried wednesday morning. At the doctors office I told them that I had started spotting and I was having pretty strong cramping and they kinda looked at me like ok, but you could still be pregnant. The sweet ultra sound girl (who is pregnant herself) told me on the way out "I'm still gonna be hoping that this works out for you". I love her to death, she's so sweet but there are times when I don't need pity, or a kind word. I just had to get out of that office and be on my way. It's so easy when you have a problem to fall into this pity party and woe is me attitude. I'm learning it doesn't help anything, and with my particular issue I could let myself fall into such a deep depression that I may never get out of it. I just have to suck it up, believe that God has a plan and move on. Thankfully God did give me the grace to deal with the day and the news. Let me tell you how it happened: My mom and I were sitting in a restaurant drinking coffee and I was just contemplating our situation and maybe Jeremy and I should just adopt. I want my own biological child, I want to carry a child in my body, but maybe it's just not meant to be. I was ready to give up. This whole process is so hard emotionally for me and Jeremy and it's physically exhausting and draining. I was just tired and thinking yeah, I'm just gonna tell Jeremy that this is it. Let's just head towards adoption. All of a sudden in my thinking God just told me "if you stop now you'll never see the great things I have for you, don't give up when I'm about to move in your life. You can't quit." I am telling you I could not manufacture those thoughts or feelings in myself. I was at the end of my rope. I believe the Lord spoke peace to my heart and gave me the will to keep trying. The rest of the day I had peace. I spoke to Jill later on the phone about the negative results and set up an appointment to talk to Dr. Ripps and I didn't cry (like I thought I would). I went to church that night and I had comfort in the Lord, I had peace and I handled it better than I ever could imagine. That peace was not in me. It was from the Lord. I have to give him all the glory. We have an appointment on Aug. 20th to talk to Dr. Ripps and formulate a plan for ivf. Please keep us in your prayers as we keep searching for our tree of life. I know it's out there, we just need to figure out which one God planted just for us. Love you all. Shauna

VBS

This week we've been having vbs at church. I am helping out with my sunday school class, which is 4-6 year olds. The kids are having alot of fun and I am too. I am working my job from 7-4 and then getting to the church at 5:45 and leaving about 9:00. It makes for long days but it is well worth it. People have put so much effort into decorating and making sure everything is fun for the kids. We have had a good amount of visitors and I just hope these kids come away with something that they'll remember later on down the road. I'm gonna get on later and put some pictures up of the week and the kids.