Tears

My Pastor preached last night on the subject of tears, and how David said that God has a book and a bottle for our tears. Now, as Pastor described, God doesn't save our tears when we watch a sad movie or something insignificant, but when we hurt God hurts with us, for us. I was so glad to be reminded of this fact. Sometimes when I'm having a hard time I try to remind myself that in the BIG picture of life my story is so insignificant. Even if things don't turn out the way I want them to God is still in control, and he's still good. Yet it helps me personally when I remember that though God loves the world, he still loves Shauna. God knows when our pain is very real and he's sympathetic towards us. When we cry he is there with us and he doesn't take it lightly. I just thank God for reminding me of this fact, and I hope it blessed my friends also.

Can't think of a title for this one...

Well today looks like it is going to be a beautiful day. I can't say that I'm totally excited about the cold weather, but I'm glad we got some rain and that it's gone now. I am feeling a little better every day. I'm still a little swollen, and if I'm not careful I'll be up too much and swell a little more. My appetite is definitely back, which is great! For a couple days there just the thought of food made me want to throw up. I'm very happy to be eating again. Jeremy and my Dad and our friend Kenny (who just got back from California) went last night to go see the Niceville Eagles play football. Niceville was No.6 in the state of Florida and they played Pine Forest who was No.7 in the state. Unfortunately Niceville lost, but they said it was a good game. There's nothing better than freezing in the bleachers watching a high school football game huh? No, actually I really want to go to a game once I feel a little better, it is alot of fun. Guess what's on the agenda for today??? The Florida Gators play Kentucky... more football. I read this article in a Focus on the Family magazine about spouses sharing each others hobbies and football is the easiest hobby that Jeremy has that I can share. He really wants me to go hunting with him, but at this point I can't bring myself to do that. I don't mind eating something he has killed, but I don't know if I want to see how he kills it. Plus those tree stands are high, and make me really nervous. I don't think I really have a hobby that can be shared. I guess my haircutting is kind of a hobby considering I don't do it for a job anymore. I like to read, but that you can't really share... I guess maybe I should find a hobby... Well, I think that's enough of my random posting for now. I am headed back to work on Monday and I'm so excited! I miss the kids and am ready to get back into the swing of things. I have a follow up doctors appointment on Friday, so I'll let you all know what's going on then.

No place like home...

First off I want to say a huge thank-you to all my sweet friends for their prayers and kind words. Yes, I did go to Sacred Heart Hospital yesterday. To be honest with you when I went to the doctor yesterday I really couldn't picture myself getting better, I know I've only been down a week but I just felt so bad and had no relief for a long time. I told my mom that whenever I would sit up from laying down that I would get this forced cough that came up. My mom got very alarmed and said it was time to go to the hospital. Dr. Ripps had suggested that he might send me to the hospital on Wednesday anyways...why spend one more miserable night? I first went to New Life and they did an ultra-sound on my abdomen and there is fluid, which we already knew. They also did an ultra-sound on my lungs and said I did have some fluid accumulating on my lungs, so they admitted me to the hospital. By this time I was huffing and puffing just to get sentences out. At Sacred Heart they took me directly to the pulmonary and lung ward and started an IV, which was quite painful since my body was so dehydrated and my veins so dried out. The ultra-sound tech looked at my lungs and didn't see much fluid on them. (I was sitting there wondering if I had just psyched myself out) She called the Doctor in who does the fluid draining procedures, to see if he could detect anything she was missing. He looked at my left lung and said, there's a little fluid there, but not enough to warrant sticking a needle in your back. He looked over to my right lung and said "Oh yeah, there's a good deal more fluid here, we'll go ahead and drain this one" and just that fast he gave me a shot to numb the area (which is always the most painful part) and stuck a large needle in my back. I guess the way they do it is they use the needle to insert a tube into your back and then remove the needle and the fluid just drains from where it has built up. They ended up removing 500 mililiters of fluid from my back. Immeadiately as the fluid started draining I could breathe again. My right lung had actually started to collapse because of the pressure on it. After this procedure they took me to an observation room and just gave me something (maybe saline???) through an IV all night. I had my horrible stomach aches still last night, but thank God I haven't had even one today. The Doc has me drinking 2 liters of fluid a day right now, which means I can't go far from the bathroom. It has been one week exactly since the egg extraction and Dr. Ripps expects that this OHSS should be clearing up any time now. My electrolytes and sodium and all that is back in the normal range, so I shouldn't (Lord willing) have any more problems with fluid build up. I just have to wait for the water that's there to absorb back into my system. I have to tell you all that I really do believe that this child we will have is going to be some great encouragement to Jeremy and Me. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was God's will for us. Even though through the tough times you kinda question if you did the right thing I believe we have. I believe the Devil is just trying to make me fear the blessing that I am so close to getting. I have to thank God for his provision and his tender care. I also thank him for my friends who have been a rock to me during this time. You know what's funny is when I first learned we had fertility issues and it would not be easy getting pregnant I didn't want to tell anyone. I thought we'd just muddle through it on our own and eventually it would happen. Along the way I've learned that God gave me good christian friends to help me through this journey and I love you all. I hope one day the Lord will reveal to you just how much you've meant to me through this hard time. I know we all have our struggles, whether we share them or not, and I just want you to remember what this blog is all about. There is so much wisdom in the proverbs, and you can claim this verse with me: Proverbs 13:12- Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.

A Prayer Request...

Well y'all, I haven't been blogging lately mostly because I'm not supposed to be out of bed!!! When I am on here I have to hurry hurry and get back to laying down. I know everyone's waiting for good news... so am I. Unfortunately I don't have any to give you today. I went to the doctor yesterday and he said there is a pocket of fluid next to my gallbladder (don't know how to spell that!) and a pocket of fluid on the other side. I think this is the cause of my horrible stomach pains. My ovaries are still huge, and touching. I look to all the world as if I'm already pregnant. Dr. Ripps (in person)called me this morning which can never be a good sign and told me that my estrogen levels are really elevated and that I need to come in tomorrow and have more blood work and if they haven't significantly gone down I will need to be hospitalized. After 9 days of this stuff it's 'almost' a relief to be sent to the hospital. They keep telling me that it should be over soon, but I can't see that far ahead. Right now I just can't comprehend waking up and feeling better. I know it's coming, it just seems like so long since I've felt normal, and sometimes it seems like this won't go away. I'm not writing this to make anyone worry. Please don't worry about me (Jess!). Please just pray that God will give the doctors wisdom and that I will get relief from this OHSS soon. Love you all and miss everybody like crazy!!!! -me

An Update...

Yesterday I tried to go to work, but just on the drive from Jeremy's work to mine (which is about 3 or 4 minutes) my stomach hurt so bad that I felt like I was gonna throw up. Still I was determined to go to work. One of the girls at work asked me how it went and how I was feeling and that was all it took, I started balling and decided there was no way I could function. I drove to my mom's house and she set me up in Kara's room (thanks Kara!!!) and propped my feet up and told me to take it easy. I ended up watching about 5 movies yesterday, I don't know how women on bed rest do it. I was so bored, yet so physically exhausted that I didn't care. I really want to rest and get better so I don't have to miss more work, or be hospitalized. My mom made this brocolli and cheese soup like they make at Panera Bread and it was so good! (I'll have to put the recipe up later) The doc has me taking the progesterone shots and all just as if I were gonna have the embryo transfer on Monday. Jeremy has now given me two shots in my hip and has done very well. I am at the point now where if they feel like I even have a little OHSS left I don't want them to do the transfer. I would much rather wait till December and not feel like this. My stomach is so swollen I look 4 or 5 months pregnant.!.!.! I do feel a little better today though. (Thank God!) I actually picked up around the house a little, but I'm gonna make sure I don't over do it. At this point my body makes sure of that for me. Linda called yesterday and some of our embryos fertilized -not all 27 of them- she'll call me again today and let me know how things are looking. It's kinda unreal that we have our child "maturing" at the clinic today. Thanks for all the well wishes. Hope you all have a great weekend!!! Love, Me

The worst is over...Lord willing

Well, we went to Pensacola today and I had the egg retrieval done. They took me back to a room at about 9:30 and put in an IV. They gave me a pill for nausea, which I never really get nauseous so I guess I really didn't need that. The nurse who was going to be giving me my meds told me that this medication is 10 times stronger than xanax, but wears off faster. It's also like 100 times better than motrin. So they took me back to the Operating room, and started giving me meds. The room started spinning and I felt really tired. I don't know if I actually ever went to sleep or not. I remember when the doctor started extracting the eggs (they stick a needle through the vaginal wall and suck out the follicles) it hurt pretty bad. I had my eyes closed, but I cringed. The nurse was up at my head watching me to see if I had enough pain medication. He grabbed my hand, and I just remember squeezing his hand really hard. After they had poked me a couple times I started to cry. I think I felt it pretty good, I don't remember. (one of the side effects of the medicine is amnesia) The nurse decided to give me more pain medication. I know I cried through most of it, and once they were done and took me to this room for recovery I could not stop crying. I don't know if it was the meds or the hormones or what. I was sore after the procedure, but not enough to cry about it. I know Linda came in and talked to me about something, but I don't remember what. -I remember telling Jeremy "you're paying attention right, cause I won't remember any of this."- Doctor Ripps had shown me a piece of paper that had my estrogen levels on it. After 4 days of follistim with 225 iu's my estrogen was 1000 something (I don't know how they measure it) so they backed down to 150 iu's and when I was checked again it had doubled to 2000 something. They backed me down to 75 iu's and when they checked me a third time it was 9000 something. So basically doctor Ripps said unless my estrogen level drops dramatically by Monday we're gonna have to freeze our embryos and wait for this to clear up. It could be very bad, including death if I were to get pregnant with my estrogen so high. It's dissapointing to have to wait. They will transfer the embryos in the middle of December, but we need to do what's best for myself and for the baby. They would much rather put the embryos in fresh, but we just may not be able to. I have a number 27 on the bottom of my hand because that's how many eggs they extracted. I have been praying that God would not give us any more embryos than we can raise as children, so maybe this is his way. I'm gonna go lay down again, I'm trying to take it real easy so I can go to work tomorrow. Thanks for all the prayers and encouraging words. Love you all. Shauna

Ready to get started...

Ok y'all, I'm all ready to go this morning and get this thing done. My uncomfortable feeling has eased up alot since I got my HCG shot on Monday night. I am not too nervous right now, but I'm sure it will get worse when I'm sitting in the doctors waiting area. I am just reminding myself of the promises God has given me and the outcome of all of this hard work. Thank-you all for your prayers, I have certainly felt them through all these months. I'll try to write later on today, it all depends on how I feel later. Hope you all have a wonderful day!!!

Sounds like a plan...

Ok, so I went to the doctor this morning. I got there about 10 minutes before my appointment and sat for an hour before getting called back!!! There were women sitting around who had appointments 30 minutes before me so I knew this was gonna take a while. When they did the ultra sound there was definitely alot of follicles. My ovaries are actually so full right now that they couldn't measure them individually because they're touching. Doctor Ripps once again informed me that I may get OHSS (he's making me nervous) but said that we won't be able to tell till about 5 days after the retrieval. So right now that's a wait and see. Anyone who knows me knows I hate to wait. Oh well. I am going to get my HCG shot (the hormone that tells your body to release the eggs, therefore making you ovulate) tonight at 11:00. My retrieval will be done on Wednesday morning. We have to be there at 9:00. Jeremy has to do his part... (finally it's not all up to me!!!) and they'll hook me up to an IV and give me happy medicine :) If everything goes well the In-Vitro will happen on Monday. I really don't want to have to wait (there's that problem again) till later to do the IVF, but we may not have a choice. I've just gotta stop worrying. God has handled much bigger issues in the past, and he is fully capable of handling this. Thanks for all your support and prayers. Hopefully on Monday we'll be very close to having a little baby of our own. :)!!!!!!! I will leave you with a verse that I will be claiming all day.... Psalm 56:3 - What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. P.s don't worry about me, I am nervous but I am ok. Just keep me in your prayers.

ugggghhhh!

Hey everyone! I am writing this morning to tell you I am officially miserable. I have tried not to complain too much through this, and I know the hardest part is yet to come. (I am pretty nervous about the retrieval) But I feel absolutely horrible right now. No matter how I sit, stand, or lay my ovaries feel as if they might explode. (they actually feel like if they'd explode I'd get some relief) Hopefully I can keep the kids away from my stomach tomorrow (at work) cause I might just break down and cry if they touch it. The good side of this pain is that it prepares me to be absolutely ready to get these little eggs out of here, no matter how they've gotta do it. I go to the doctor at 9:30 and hopefully they'll say I'm ready for the retrieval and tell me what time it needs to be. I'll let you all know. Much Love, -Me

An update...

Well, I went to the doctor again yesterday. They did an ultrasound and there's definitely alot of eggs. A few of them are developing alot faster than the others. They changed my amount of follistim for a third time. I started out at 250 iu's (international units) and then went down to 150 on Wednesday, and now I'm down to 75 iu's. They are trying to slow the larger follicles down so some of the smaller one's can catch up. They keep telling me that everything looks perfect. I cannot tell you what a relief that is when you've struggled with infertility. For a couple of years I thought that my body was the reason we couldn't conceive. I'm glad to know now that everything is working properly. The doctor came in and warned me about ohss -ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome- which sounds pretty scary if it is severe. It occurs when they over stimulate your ovaries. Your ovaries become large and tender. Sometimes -in severe cases- fluid can build up in the lungs or abdominal cavity. It is a hard line they walk to get what they need without over or under stimulating you. Just pray that I won't get ohss. If I were to get it they would still retrieve my eggs, but they would have to fertilize them and then freeze them until the ohss clears up and then they'd do the insemination. (pregnancy just makes the symptoms worsen) Linda said that I am not in the normal group of people who would get ohss, but they have to monitor closely and watch, because I'm young and my ovaries are stimulating very quickly. Jeremy and I have discussed at length the fact that God's will will always be performed. I feel like I am trying to please him and having children is something he instituted, so I can trust that he will do what's best for us. Pray for us. I go back to Pensacola on Monday and Linda said that they should be able to tell me when the retrieval will be then.

A night at the theater...

Jillian and I went to a play last night at "Northwest Florida State College" (the new name is just too long!) We went to see "And then there were none" a play based on an Agatha Christie novel. It was a murder mystery and it was very exciting and intense at times. The play was in a small theater off of the very large Main Stage. There was probably only seating for about 50 people, it was very intimate. I told my husband today that it felt to me like me and Jill were the only people in the room. Both Jillian and I were sitting on the edge of our seats most of the time. When a main character got shot we both screamed rather loudly. You heard chuckles all around us. It was nice to have a night where I could go out with one of my best friends and not have anything we had to do. We weren't washing dishes together after cooking dinner, or cleaning up after kids or my husband we just had a good time and saw a really good performance. The play has sold out the whole time it's been running and people are waiting in the wings to get in and we definitely saw why. Of course we both dressed up, though I've been to a few plays in the big theater and most people don't dress up anymore. We curled our hair and wore pretty clothes and heels and had a great time!!! Thanks Jill for getting the tickets and for inviting me. Jillian is going to do a whole big post about the night with pictures and all. I'll probably put some pictures up when she sends some to me. (we took them with her camera) Make sure you check out her blog "committing my ways unto the Lord" it's on the lefthand side under "My Blog list" to see all the fun we had.

Thank-you God for your faithfulness!

We have been needing rain for some time now. My yard is one big crunchy mess at this point. God is good to bring us what we need when we need it!!! I went to the doctor today and once I hit the Pensacola bridge it just started to pour!(I'm talking torrential downpour) I started to get really nervous, I couldn't even see right in front of me, then I thought, you know, I should have prayed before I ever started on this trip. I said a quick prayer asking God to guide me and help me make good decisions and made it safely to New Life. The appointment was quick, just ultra sound and blood work. The ultra sound went good, everything seems to be going on track. The bloodwork they will call about later this afternoon. Linda said keep taking the same amount of shots and they'll re-evaluate on Friday when I go back in. I saw at least 3 wrecks on the interstate, and one overturned car on the way home and I just have to thank God for his mercy. I will leave you all with this verse, and let's remember to be thankful that we have a merciful God who loves us and wants the best for us. "It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23, KJV

Introducing Mr. Will Preston...

Last Friday was my Mother-in-laws 50th birthday. What more could a new grandma ask for than that her new little grandson comes for her special day??? David and Molly drove down from South Carolina (near Greenville) where David is an assistant pastor of a church. Molly was a school teacher at Bob Jones Elementary school. (Yes we're a Joneser family!) Now she stays home with the baby and teaches for a homeschool co-op once a week. David, now known only as Will's dad, ;) is Jeremys older brother. Will is such a sweet baby. From the minute we walked in the door he just smiled at us and cooed and squealed. We had a chance to have family pictures done. The baby did so well through them all. I could not have asked for a better extension to my own family and I am so thankful that they all love the Lord too. I'm glad to introduce you all to our Will.... Oh yeah, and David and Molly too. :)

It's me again...

Well, I went to Pensacola today and had an ultra sound done. They didn't have to take blood, which makes my arm very happy :) They were just checking for the lining of the uterus (to make sure it is thin) and making sure that I didn't get any cysts from the hormones I've been taking. They said everything looked really good. I already have a good amount of little eggs beginning to develop. Saturday night I will begin taking the follistim which helps all the eggs to develop whereas normally only one would. So beginning saturday I will have a designated side of the tummy for each shot. (I am continuing the Lupron also) I go back to the doctor on Wednesday for another ultrasound. From here on out things will go very quickly!!!