Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt. Who am I, that the bright and morning star, would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart? Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done not because of what I've done, but because of who you are. I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow a wave tossed in the ocean a vapor in the wind, still you hear me when I'm calling Lord you catch me when I'm falling, and you've told me who I am I am yours... Who am I that the eyes that see my sin, would look on me with love and watch me rise again who am I that the voice that calmed the sea would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done, not because of what I've done, but because of who you are I am a flower quickly fading here today and gone tomorrow a wave tossed in the ocean a vapor in the wind, still you hear me when I'm calling Lord you catch me when I'm falling and you've told me who I am I am yours...

second attempt

Well y'all, I tried to get on here yesterday and this whole site was shut down. We went to the doctor for our second IUI. As soon as we arrived in Pensacola off of I-10 the bottom dropped out and it poured! While we were in the doctors office a bolt of lightning struck somewhere very close because I saw the lightning bolt and then heard this really weird pop. The phones shut down for a few minutes and I'm sitting there thinking : they cannot lose power today! They need the ultrasound for the IUI. We got our business done there and then went to eat (we had an hour to waste). We went to Panera bread. It's a part of the Cordova mall, which is right down the street from the docs office. There was so much rain in such a short amount of time that the storm drains in the parking lot were overflowing. There was basically a lake in the parking lot. (by the time we left it was gone.) There was also this really old car in the parking lot (I don't know what kind, Jeremy did) that was from the 20's or 30's and they left their windows down!!! The inside of the car was soaked. People have to learn we live in Florida and you can't ever leave your windows down. It took about an hour to get our food and eat and then we went back to the office. After last time I remembered not to use the restroom, so I drank water throughout the day instead of just cramming all of it down in a few minutes. It didn't take but probably 10 minutes or so and they called us back. Jill told us that if this cycle didn't work we'd probably want to get an appointment with Dr. Ripps to talk about what to do next. I told her that if this cycle doesn't work I really don't want to try artificial insemination again. I'd rather just move on to ivf. Jill told us before she left that Jeremys count was even lower this time than last time. They only got 1.5 million sperm to use. That kind of just confirmed the fact that if this doesn't work we need to move on. Next came in my favorite person, the lady who did the IUI last time. I cannot remember her name but she told me she's the ivf coordinator. So I will probably be seeing alot of her. I asked her if the doctor can tell us what our success percentage would be for ivf (I know they can't tell you you will get pregnant, but I want to know if we should spend our money to try or if we should put that money into adoption). She said the doctor will be able to tell us that if this cycle doesn't work. When she saw that I am only 24 and our problem is a sperm problem she said our odds are very good. The doctor said we'll have to use a procedure called icsi which is where they inject the sperm into the egg. The lady said that icsi has almost eliminated all problems of conception with male infertility. That is really good news!!! I think it was good for Jeremy to hear also. The actual insemination went rather well. The lady has gotten alot of practice I guess. She still had to try a few times but she actually did the catheter and everything herself. I didn't feel the urge to go to the restroom so badly this time so I stayed laying down 15 minutes like they want. Everything went very well. I had a little cramping on the way home, but that went away after a few hours. We are very hopeful, but we'll have to wait till August 6th to find out. If this cycle doesn't work then we'll go talk to the doc and the ivf coordinator (I'm sure I'll know her name next time) and they start a new cycle of ivf in october. I'll write again soon.

this wednesday is the day

I went to pensacola today, just like last time the lining of my uterus was so thin until the last minute. It only took four days of shots though. This cycle has been so much easier than last time. I asked the nurses about it. I remember last time I went in almost in tears and I told the girl I hoped it was time for the hcg shot because I just felt so miserable. I cannot explain how I felt to you, it just felt like at any time my guts were gonna fall out. The nurse said from month to month your pain will vary. Thank God this month was easy. I have been so much more weepy the whole time this month, but I'll take weepy compared to pain any day. I talked to my mom today after I saw the doctor and she said she just feels like this is going to happen for us. We will have our own child. I feel that way also. Whether it happens this time or another time I just know God is going to do this for us. When I had the ultrasound today the nurse asked me if I brought my hcg medicine with me. Fortunately I thought if I didn't bring it they'd need it today so I brought it. Thankfully Jill gave me the shot, because my mother-in-law is out of town and neither Jeremy nor my mom wanted to give it to me. So on Wednesday we report in at 11:00 and give our sample. By 2 or 3 on Wednesday this cycle will also come to an end. It seemed to go so fast this time and with such a minimum amount of stress. Please pray for us that even if it doesn't work... which let's face it the odds are not that great... that Jeremy and I would have the grace to get through this. If this doesn't work we have alot of decisions ahead of us and we want to do what's right. We appreciate all the thoughts and prayers. I'll write again on wednesday. <3<3<3

Shot time again

I started my shots of follistim again last night. I go to the doctor again tomorrow and they'll do another ultrasound and more blood work. I have a feeling that this cycle is gonna go faster than last cycle... but we'll see. I wish that y'all would all pray for Jeremy because this whole process is alot harder on him than I thought it would be. It's also harder on me whenever he is pessimistic and ready to quit. He's just very discouraged and not sure any of this is gonna work. Please keep him in your prayers. I'll write again on Friday and I may know by then when we'll do the insemination.

another try

I went to the doctor today. The wait has seemed so long as I was on the birth control pills again. The pills they gave me this time were different than the ones they gave me last time. I had alot more reactions to the pills this time. (hot flashes, mood swings and some pain) Jill was there when the ultra-sound tech was doing the ultra-sound and there were about 3 or 4 cysts on my ovaries. They were about 1-1.5 centimeters. I think anything over 2cm they will stop the cycle for that month. Jill said that as long as the cysts were not estrogen related I could start on the letrazole pills today. -she thought the cysts might be from the new birth control pills- She had to run the bloodwork and call me back last night. So of course I go into worry mode and just naturally know that this is why I had such a hard time on these new pills and now I'm gonna have to wait another 2 weeks while I go on a new birth control. When am I just gonna give it to the Lord and quit worrying? Obviously this is all totally out of my control, as well as the doctors...whether they know it or not. Jill called me about 4:30 and said that the cysts were not estrogen related! Thank-you God and please forgive me. I asked her what the cysts could be and she said that since I developed so many follicles in the last cycle they were probably just left over from that. So today I start the letrazole pills and in about a week I'll be back to the injections. I start this cycle with alot less excitement than I did the last cycle. Mostly because I am now anticipating the bad experiences and the money that goes into this...worrying again! God is a worker of miracles and I just need to trust him. I don't know what kind of work he's doing in me but I know he has a plan, so I will just wait in anticipation of his great plan for me.