Our God is amazing...

Sometimes in life you can look at a situation and see part of God's bigger plan in things. I am hoping and praying that the end of this story in our life includes Jeremy getting a job back here and moving to be with us. Right now we're still having to wait and trust. Jeremy's resume was received by JG but so were 13 other resumes. There were a lot of qualified people who applied for the job. We just have to put our future in God's hands and pray he will work everything out. Now let me tell you some of the picture God is working and I hope it blesses your heart as it blesses ours to be watching it unfold...
A few weeks before we moved a man had gotten saved and become a part of our church family. We will call him "J." J has had a rough time of it lately. He lost his house, lost his family and was living in his car. He had gotten so low that one night he was driving on the highway running every red light hoping that someone would t-bone his car and kill him. He even drove his car toward some pilings on a big bridge in Fort Myers intending to crash into them and commit suicide. He said at the last minute for some reason his car swerved sideways and stopped only inches from the pilings he meant to hit. He said he heard someone say "God must think you're something special because you almost died!" but when he looked out his window he didn't see anyone there...
A friend of ours from church owns a business and he was desperately needing some help to start a job. He had interviewed some people and chosen a big strong guy to help him out. Day one of the job came and the big guy never showed up. Our friend had to do all the work (road paving) alone. It was not an easy day for him. He called his wife and said obviously he's not picking the right guys because they never show up so he wanted her to pick the next person. She gave him J's number who had also interviewed for the job. Soon after J's attempt at suicide he received a call from our friend saying "you need to come to work tomorrow." J showed up for work but our friend could tell he obviously had a lot on his mind. He asked J why he looked so upset and J just poured out his story and what was going on with him lately. Our friend told him he knew exactly what he needed. He told him he needed Jesus Christ. He told him he needed to be saved. Even though our friend knew they'd be late for their job that day he stopped and took the time to explain the gospel to J and J said "yes, this is what I need." He told our friend that if you'd told him he needed to be saved a few months ago he would have laughed. The circumstances in his life brought him to the place where he knew his life was meaningless and he was searching for what was missing. 
Fast forward to now...
J and Jeremy are now roommates in the trailer at the pastors property. Jeremy told me right before he went back that he'd be sharing the place with J and I said "hopefully you can be a blessing to each other." and they have been. When Jeremy arrived J only had a loaf of bread, some bologna and a jar of peanut butter. His road paving job had ended and he's working a job right now for about 400 bucks every two weeks. Jeremy was able to buy food enough for both of them. They are living like roommates, going to breakfast together (J knows some awesome cuban places there), doing their laundry on Sunday afternoons and watching college football on Saturdays (J's not a college football guy, but I'm sure Jeremy will try to win him over :) Jeremy took J fishing the other day by the river and J caught a huge bass. Jeremy said he looked like he might cry. He was so excited. He told Jeremy he's so glad he's there, he loves hanging out with him and he'd been pretty lonely until he came. J has also been a blessing to Jeremy. I can't imagine him having to be down there alone every weekend, nobody to talk to or hang out with. I'm missing my husband terribly, but I do believe that he was left there to be a blessing and encouragement to J. I am thankful that even though I'd rather have Jeremy here with us God is showing us that he is exactly where he needs to be at this time. Anyways, me and Jeremy were talking about this last night and how Jeremy knows he's supposed to be there for J and it comforted my heart. The story of this mans life is amazing. Our God is amazing. None of us deserve his love or his forgiveness and yet he seeks us out and offers it to us. Let me encourage you to look for God's hand at work in your life. I'm sure it's there, we just have to be willing to see it   

Beauty is pain...

So last night Abigail spent the night with me and Jakey. I cannot even begin to describe to you how excited she was! She was literally about to cry thanking me for letting her come over. She's so funny. She walked into my bathroom and I had my wax machine set up because the day before I had planned to use it and never got around to it. Abigail saw the wax and said "Shauna, you remember when you lived in Georgia and you waxed my unibrow?" I said "yes" She said "well, do you think you could do it again?" and I said yes. I reminded her that it stings a little when you wax but it goes away pretty quickly. She told me it would be ok, she just wanted that unibrow gone! lol. When I laid Jakob down for his nap today we went into the bathroom and waxed away :) I told Abi we needed to take a post-waxing picture. My lip is all red (yes people, I have to wax my mustache!) but Abi's unibrow is gone and not even a trace of redness. Once I talked to my mom and made sure it was ok we did a little work on her eyebrows too. After we got rid of the unibrow she kept rubbing the spot and saying "it's so smooth" lol. Gotta love a 10 year old who already comprehends that beauty is pain :)

We're home!!!

So, we're here. I am so thankful that Jeremy had some vacation days where he could stay home and help me pack a few days before the big move. I tried to pack as much as I could the month before we left but as we found out there's a lot of stuff you need until the last minute. I'm also soooo thankful for Jeremy's dad who always volunteers to help whenever we need it. He was a lifesaver! The trip up went very well. I was wondering how it'd be to travel with a dog but Paisley did great. We made it in on Saturday and we actually (with a lot of help) got the whole truck unloaded and Jakob spent the night with his Grandma so he could go to church with her on Sunday and me and Jeremy started trying to get things unpacked. By Monday afternoon the whole house was unpacked. My mom came over Monday and helped me unpack the kitchen which seemed like it took the longest and I had the least patience for, but maybe that's just because it was the last room full of boxes and I was really over unpacking. I took Jeremy to the airport Tuesday morning @ 4 a.m. to put him on a plane back to south florida. I miss him so much already. I find myself wanting to call him 20 times a day and tell him something Jakob did or said or some great idea I had but I have to file those thoughts away and tell him at night when he calls. When he calls Jakob says "hi daddy" then he'll say "love you, bye" he's not much of a conversationalist right now, but I know he loves his daddy :) 

We've been talking for quite a while about if our renter ever moved out of this house and what we'd have to do. It took us 8 months to find the guy who rented the house the first time and even then we had to lower the rent we were asking before we found him. We knew we couldn't wait another 8 months or really even 2 months before we'd just have to move into it and leave Jeremy down there. Every time we'd talk about moving back into our house we'd preface it with "now remember, the house is really small" or "it's going to be a big change from what we are used to now" I know it sounds superficial or silly but I really worried if we'd have enough room in the house or if we'd feel very cramped and packed into the place. When we lived here before Jakob was just a newborn and he didn't have much in the way of toys and stuff in general. Now he has a lot of stuff. I guess we had both been dreading the tight living quarters but I had determined in my heart that I would be thankful and not complain with my words or even in my heart about the house being too small. When we got here we were very happy that everything fit into the house and it doesn't feel cramped at all. We don't have a garage but I think eventually there's a plan to add a big shed/barn in the backyard where we can have a lot more storage. Our mortgage payment is actually over 200 dollars less than what we payed in rent so we will appreciate that too, I'm sure. 

We already knew that the yard had not been taken care of because Jeremy comes over a couple times a year and pressure washes the house and does some maintenance type stuff on it. Last time he came the yard was a wreck. That's pretty much when I knew the guy would be leaving soon because he no longer cared how the place looked on the outside. It made me nervous about what the house looked like on the inside. Thankfully there was no major damage to the house. When the guy moved out he really tore up the door frames (obviously he had giant furniture or something) and banged up a few of the walls. My dad patched the walls and painted my bedroom for me. Eventually we will have to replace the door frames that the guy chipped up but we can do that later. I took some pictures and they will probably look pretty familiar to y'all because everything is pretty much in the same places as when I lived here the first time :) I took a picture of my bedroom because I picked out a light blue paint (it actually looked lighter than it is on the little card) and I am really loving it. We turned Jakob's old bedroom into the office. It makes me a little sad because we made his room so nice but it is the smaller of the two bedrooms and we wanted him to be comfortable so we gave him the bigger room. His room needs painting but it will wait into Jeremy gets here (either by moving or for thanksgiving) Jakob is loving having trees (we had no trees in our yard in Labelle) mostly because he can collect acorns to his hearts content :) He is also loving visiting with his family. All day he's been saying "go nana's house a-morrow" He hasn't yet learned that we have our own house here, we won't be staying with nana all the time. 

When we left 3 years ago I thought this place was a little ghetto ;) Now I've lived near a pretty ghetto town, and we had a little bit of ghetto in Labelle too and I realize this place is just redneck, there is a big difference. Our neighborhood is growing. I saw a lot of mom's walking today with their kids in strollers. Couples out for a jog. It's turning in to a family kinda place instead of a few houses out in the sticks, which is what it was when we bought our house. I am loving it. It doesn't matter that we've been gone for 3 years, this house still feels like home. I feel kinda guilty because I am feeling so good about being here and Jeremy is down there by himself :( hopefully he won't have to be for too much longer. 

It was super cold the first few days we were here...let me preface that by saying y'all know I'm a florida girl and cold to me is 70 degrees. The high has been in the 60's and the morning I took Jeremy to Pensacola it was 40 something. That is cold to me! Today was a gorgeous 75 degrees. I am excited to take Jakey to the park and the library. I've still got to call and try to rush them along in getting him into speech therapy. 

Well, that's about all I can think to write right now. I am super tired. Single parenting doesn't seem too hard until the end of the day when your child is tired and decides they don't want to do anything you ask them to. That moment when you'd look at your hubby and he'd step in and take care of stuff. Yes, we had that moment tonight. It has worn me out and I'm ready for bed. Thank-you all for your prayers. Hoping to have good news to share with you very soon. Until then, here's a few pics of the inside of the house. The yard looks pitiful right now. I'll probably take pictures as we work on the yard and show you before and afters :)       

View of the living room

Living room and bubbie playing with his angry birds :)

My bedroom

Jakob's room

Jakob's old bedroom aka the office. Yes, it's Jeremy's man cave and he has free reign of decorating with this one room. There's also a turkey tail hanging on the other wall (lol)

Honestly...

I keep starting blogs and then not finishing them. Honestly I have way too much going on around the house as well as in my brain to be completely real and honest about how I'm feeling. I've been waiting to leave this place since the first day we moved here :) sounds crazy right? Well you've probably never seen a town like Labelle before. Very different. Anyways, the job announcement closed early this morning so that means the company will go through all the applications and send the best ones to JG. We may hear something in a week or two. We're excited, nervous, happy, anxious and trying to trust God in the situation. It seems totally insane that we're making this move without Jeremy having the job but we really don't see any other options as of right now. It'd be nice to look back and see how God opened all the doors (and windows) for us to move back to Crestview. Right now though we don't want to presume anything, just take it a day at a time and lean on Him. I will definitely be blogging a whole lot more once we get settled. Thanks for all the encouragement and prayers! 

-Shauna

Scatterbrained...

Well, most of you know that Jakob and I are moving back to Crestview at the end of the month. If you didn't know, well, Jakob and I are moving back to Crestview at the end of the month. Here's what happened, it's an even longer story than we had first thought. 
Last Saturday night my mom called me and said they drove out to our neighborhood (so my dad could hang a deer stand on Pastor Humphries property) and they saw a moving van outside our house. The guy was taking an empty dolly into the house, so they assumed he's moving out. Had we gotten any notice from him? Well, no we hadn't. Immediately Jeremy starts e-mailing people from our rental agency trying to find out what's going on. Our mortgage payment is due on Monday and we haven't heard a word about this from anybody. Sunday someone from the rental agency e-mails and says no they had no notice he was moving. They said they'd get in touch with him on Monday and try to find out what's up. The renter said he'd notified someone that works at the agency in August telling them he'd be out of the house by the end of September. The person Jeremy was talking to said he didn't notify them because everyone at the agency knows a notice to vacate must be in writing.
 Anyways, now we're faced with the fact that we owe a mortgage payment right now. We also cannot afford our rent in this house as well as our mortgage payment for multiple months until we can rent the house again (last time it took 8 months to find a renter) so we had to decide what to do. We thought about looking at cheaper housing in Labelle, but it is just not even an option. As I stated before this town has very little rental properties and anything available in a price range we could afford is in a very bad part of town where it would not be safe for us to live. Our county has the highest unemployment rate in the state of Florida so it's not like I can go get a job and we can squeak by. The only option we really feel we have is to move all of our belongings back home into our house.
 Me and Jakob will live back home and Jeremy will stay here and work and look for another job. His boss from back home says the job @ JG should be advertised in October and hired in November. Obviously we're hoping that comes through but we're not counting on it because they keep doing this to us over and over. There's a couple other opportunities coming up so he will just have to do some serious searching for a job closer to home. In the mean time I will get Jakob into speech therapy in Crestview as well as hopefully a "day care" type program where he can be with other kids a couple hours a day. I feel much better about putting him in a head start program up there than I do down here.
 We were very nervous about what our house might look like on the inside considering the guy left in the middle of the night and gave no notice. Jeremy's mom went by and checked it out for us and it looks great. Spotless. Praise the Lord for that. It turns out after all was said and done the guy had given his 30 day notice. The agent who dealt with our rental (who happened to be his niece) had been fired sometime in August so she never told them he was leaving or filled out any paperwork. Everything has worked out o.k. so far. We got a few boxes packed yesterday. 
I am very emotional about the whole thing. The part that is hardest for me is the unknown. I don't know when our family will be able to be back together. I don't know if Jeremy will get the job back home or if we'll have to move again and figure out once again what to do with the house we own. I don't know how Jakob will do without his daddy at home every night. I know I will miss my hubby, that's not a hard one to figure out. 
Jeremy will be staying at the Pastor's house down here. They have a really nice travel trailer that company stays in when they visit and they've offered it to Jeremy. I am glad he can stay near our church family because I know they'll take good care of him and keep him company. Even the how's of trying to run 2 households are pretty much unknown to us right now. 
I thank everyone who has been praying for us and offering words of encouragement. I haven't really said anything about all of this on FB yet because honestly I don't want to talk about it or think about it any more than I already do. I figure I'll give it another week or two then announce it. 
Yesterday my endocrinologist (or doctor wonderful as I like to call him) was being a total jerk to me and I broke down crying. He told me he thought I was depressed. I was thinking dude, you have no idea how much I've got going on right now. The last thing I needed was a rude doctor who wouldn't let me speak or ask about a medication that I am greatly in need of. I didn't tell him how I really felt, I just wanted to get out of his office and never have to enter it again. No more doctor wonderful. Praise the Lord for small favors :) 
I know this post is pretty scattered and random. That's about how I feel my brain is right now. Scattered and random. It does help to get my thoughts/fears/ feelings out of my brain and onto this page. If you think of us please pray that we will have peace and that God will work this whole situation out for us (he's the only one that can!) and please know that I'm not just always asking you girls to pray for me, I pray for you too. That is one reason I'm so thankful for blogs. You can be honest with me and I can be honest with you and we can all pray for each other. 
xoxo
-Shauna

Even if...

This song is soooo good! Don't we all have those things in our lives that we're anxious about? We don't know if they're going to work out the way that we hope or not. I know I've got multiple burdens on my heart right now. I am thankful that I can trust who God is and know that he will do what's right for me. He is good and faithful no matter the outcome of circumstances in my life. Even if my path in life is rocky and difficult it doesn't change who God is. He is God, he is good, forever faithful. I am so thankful to have him in my life

First week of speech...

So we've completed our first week of speech therapy. It's amazing how adding just one small thing to our usually empty schedule makes me feel super busy (lol). I had actually called the school last week to find out what kind of time line they were looking at for beginning the program. I wanted to make sure they hadn't forgotten about us or lost Jakob's paperwork in the shuffle (things like that tend to happen around here). The speech therapist assured me they hadn't forgotten about us. The school had acquired a new portable for speech and it didn't have smoke alarms or air conditioning. Seeing as how it's now a couple of days from October and it's still 93-94 degrees and muggy outside air conditioning is a must. She told me they'd be ready to start the program on Monday@ 9:00am. Thankfully Jakob woke up so easily Monday morning (which is rare, he's usually super grouchy if I wake him up) and ate his breakfast right up. I kinda dressed him up a little since it was his first day and styled his hair :) I know he can be a handful sometimes so I wanted the therapist to at least think he's super adorable...sometimes that makes up for the stubbornness, believe me, I know from experience. We arrived at the school about 8:50 and someone from the office showed us where the building is. 9:00 passed. Then 9:05. Finally the therapist came out and said that the other two children who were supposed to come didn't show. She asked me to come in with Jakob. I was really looking forward to 30 minutes of reading a book or browsing facebook uninterrupted, in 30 minutes I could even write a blog! I was also looking forward to letting someone work with Jakob without me being there. You know how sometimes kids are so much easier to work with when mom or dad aren't around. Well Monday that was not to be. We sat in the floor and the therapist tried to get Jakob to say words like "more", "please"and "all done." These are all words that I know he can say. Sometimes he even uses them at home, but usually not when you tell him to. We're working on please but pretty much the only time he'll say please is when he wants his shirt off (he'll say "off please") or if he really wants a snack he'll say "cookie please" or "cheerios please." Jakob was much more interested in all the boxes and bins of toys on every shelf than just sitting down and playing with one thing. Eventually she brought out a bag of tiles and there were pictures on them. She layed one down in front of Jakob and said "dog" and he said "dog" she looked at me like (yay!) then she said "ladybug" and he said "ladybug" she did a couple more and he repeated then she said "plane" and laid down an airplane tile. Jakob didn't say it. She said "oh, you don't want that one" and took it away. When she took it away Jakob said "airplane" and she was very happy with that. Anyways, day one was pretty much just Jakob getting to know Miss Blackburn and Miss Blackburn getting to know Jakob.
On Wednesday we showed up about 10 mins early again. This time another lady came walking up with a young boy by the hand. I figured this is probably one of Jakob's "friends" that will be taking speech with him. The lady and the boy were conversing in Spanish. (There is a large immigrant population in our town. There are a lot of children at this elementary school getting speech therapy just to learn to speak English. When we went on Wednesday there was a girl about 8 or 9 years old learning English words.) The new child in Jakob's speech therapy doesn't speak much English at all. He's about 3 years old just like Jakey. When Jakob saw him he got the biggest smile on his face and ran up to him. Everything this little boy did Jakob did. Everywhere this little boy went Jakob wanted to go also. I was sitting there hoping that they would encourage each other to participate and not the other way around. This time the boys went in without their moms. After the therapy was done the teacher came out and said both boys did very well. She said she learned with Jakob when he's being whiny she has to use a firm voice and tell him to stop and he'll stop. She said when Jakob would fuss the other little boy would pat his back and say "oh,it's ok" which is good for the other little boy too because he's learning to speak to others in English. Anyways, our first week of speech went very well and I think it's going to be a big help to Jakey.

Also, I got the ok from the cardiologist. My heart is healthy and strong. Thank goodness for that news. The doc said he's fairly certain my thyroid issues are causing the heart pains/palpitations. Jeremy applied for a job back home (not with his previous employer) and another one is supposed to open soon. There's also an opening coming near St. Augustine for Jeremy's current employer so we're kind of excited that we may be able to move away from here soon!!! Just praying about it and trying to be patient. Thanks for the prayers. Please remember to pray for my friend Dana as she's going through IVF again and trying for another baby.

Just some ramblings...

So nothing unusual or special is going on around here right now, but I promised I'd blog more, so here goes...

When Jakob turned 3 he officially left the nursery at church and moved into his own Sunday school class, the "children's church" and "kids for truth" on Wednesday nights. Me and Jeremy were very nervous about him being in classes that tend to be more structured, but so far (he's only had 2 weeks) he's doing very well. Yesterday we found out that he hit a little boy and spit on a little girl in children's church so we had to have a talk about that, but he is learning how to treat other people (and how not to) so I'm happy about that. He didn't get any candy after class because he was a naughty boy...I think that may get to him faster than any punishment we will give him. Lol.

We are still suffering through, enjoying, tolerating 90+ degree temps down here. Since hurricane Isaac graced us with his presence we have had a horrible time with mosquitoes. We are very thankful that it waited until the end of August for the mosquitoes to get bad though. I have put the pool away for the summer because when the mosquitoes finally leave it will be too cold to play in the pool. I am very thankful we have a large lanai (in the south we call them back porches:) so Jakob can play back there and not get eaten alive by bugs. I can't wait for cooler weather. I honestly think about it almost every day. I am eagerly awaiting the time when I can turn off the air condition, open all the windows and enjoy the fresh air....and as an added bonus all the mosquitoes will be dead too :) 

We had someone contact us about our property that we own in Mossy Head. I don't know if you remember this or not but when we were first married we bought a piece of property, intending to flip it in a year or two and make a little money off of it. When two years passed and we were getting ready to sell it we got into a big dispute with the next door neighbor (he tried to claim he owned the entrance to our land and fenced it off) and we ended up having to sue the neighbor just to get access to our own property. By the time it was all said and done the market had crashed and we couldn't sell the property anymore. Somebody is interested in buying it. I'm not getting my hopes up too much, but the good thing is we can sell it or we can't. We don't have to sell it, but it'd be nice. We'll see what happens with that. 

Any day now a job is supposed to be advertised back home at JG. Of course we have a lot of skepticism about whether Jeremy could get it or not. We've had our hopes up more than a couple times with them and nothing ever works out. We will just keep praying about it and hoping that now is the time to move back home.

I have been wearing a heart monitor for the last 17 days. I only have four days left. I cannot even express over the internet how happy I will be when this thing is finally off of me! I am also glad the doctor will have a larger picture of what my heart is doing. Still pretty sure all the pains are symptoms from my thyroid but I guess we'll see. My appt. with the cardiologist is on the 25th.
 
Can you even believe we're halfway through September??? I can't. It's hard to believe fall is almost here when you live this far south. One thing that really stinks living here is that the leaves never change colors. Everything stays green until about January and then grass turns brown, lots of bushes and stuff turn brown but the trees stay green. No fall colors here :( 
 I've been researching low carb pumpkin nut muffins because reading on FB of everyone's pumpkin obsessions is making me hungry :) 
Well, I just ran out of things to talk about...so I'm done now ;)

Love, Me

Things that make you go hmmm...

Well, guess what? I went to the Dr on Wednesday and he told me I don't have high cholesterol. That's right. One month ago he told me I do have high cholesterol, put me on the smallest dose of cholesterol lowering meds and a month later I tested half as high as I did the first time.The doctor says there's no way that in one month that small of a dose dropped my cholesterol that much. So I'm off the meds for about 3 months and then I'll get tested again. Somebody's test was wrong. Hoping it's the first one :)

The hurt and the healer...

"The Hurt & The Healer"

Why?
The question that is never far away 
But healing doesn’t come from the explained
Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What’s left of me
When glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What’s left of me
When glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From the first time I heard it I liked this song. I am a words person and the words to this song are beautiful. Today I was driving home from Jakob's doctors appointment and this song began to play on the radio. I realized that it's already September. How time flies when you're not really waiting on anything in particular to happen. I realized that if I had stayed pregnant I would be huge and probably a little miserable right now, but I would have had a little baby next month. Next month. The words to the song say "I'm alive, even though a part of me has died" and all of a sudden it hit me. I don't know  exactly what he meant when he wrote those words, but I realized a part of me died back at the beginning of the year. Sometimes it's still hard for me to comprehend that I actually had a child growing inside of me since I only knew I was pregnant for a couple weeks and I never got far enough along in the pregnancy to look pregnant or feel the baby move. It still seems unreal sometimes that I got pregnant. On my own. Without fertility treatments. Even more unreal that after a miracle like that I lost the baby. Tears began to pour from my eyes. My heart felt broken all over again. I mourned for the last 6 months that we've spent without our baby. I cried over the next month or so when I will have to deal with the pain of knowing our due date comes and goes without a sweet little addition to our family. Yet, even in the pain of the moment I was so grateful to know *the* healer. The loss of a baby could make anyone bitter and angry. The loss of a miracle after dealing with infertility and knowing how hard it is for some to have a baby most definitely could ruin your happiness, but it has not. God has wrapped his arms around me in the most difficult days and let me know his grace. I know that his will is perfect and that he works all things for my good. I don't know how people get through rough situations in life without his help. Yes, losing a baby hurts but when the hurt and the healer collide the healer will always win. 

Thank-you God for healing my heart day by day, moment by moment 

Long story...

Hello friends! I know, it's been a while since I wrote anything...

We've had quite a bit going on recently including my baby turning 3 years old!!! I put a lot of pics on FB and will add some more when I get the time so I won't be posting the pics here.Here's a little of what's going on. The beginning of August Jakob had his last visit from "Miss Carmen" our therapist with Early Steps. I think Carmen has helped Jakob in many ways. The biggest way is just getting him used to interacting and dealing with people that are unfamiliar to him. She has also been a blessing to me. I don't see many people throughout the week and I came to enjoy her bi-monthly visits. We would talk about Jakob (which is what every mother does anyways right?) and health food, vitamins and supplements and infertility. One time Carmen mentioned that she had endomitriosis and had had surgery for it once and did not get pregnant in the 6 months or so they say is your best chance for a pregnancy after surgery. Even though we are about 5 years removed from all our fertility treatments and tests I still remember quite well the pain and heartache that comes with wanting a child and not being able to conceive. I just cannot help sharing my story with others partly because I don't want them to feel alone and partly because I want them to know that a pregnancy is possible and I want them to have hope. I could tell once I shared our story that Carmen was encouraged and after that we talked about IF a few times. God has also been laying it on my heart to pray for Carmen. I wanted to be able to be a witness to her and maybe be able to talk to her about the Lord. Unfortunately our time came to an end and I really didn't get that opportunity that I was hoping for. On her last visit she shared with me that she would have to have the surgery for endometriosis again because the doctor who did it before did it incorrectly. They do the surgery laparoscopically and my IF friends and I know exactly what that feels like, yet another issue I could identify with her about. She also told me that after the surgery they were going to pursue IVF. I cannot tell you how happy and excited I was to hear that! Long story short I told her that any time she had any questions or just wanted to talk about the process or what she was feeling she should give me a call. There's so many emotions that go on when you go through this process it really helps to have people you can talk to that know what you're feeling. I'm hoping that she will call me and that maybe I'll get the chance to be a help and a testimony of God's grace.

On the 17th I had an appointment with a cardiologist. We talked about my racing heart and the chest pain I've had off and on (more off than on lately, ptl) and he said he wants me to have a stress test done and also wear a heart monitor for 20 something days. Since the heart palpitations and pains are so intermittent wearing the monitor for a long time is the best way to try to figure out what's going on. He did say that it may just be my thyroid causing all this but it's better to be safe than sorry, and I totally agree.

After my appointment we left and drove to Lake City, Fl and stayed the night in a hotel. On Saturday morning we woke up early and headed to my parents house. We arrived in N'ville around 11 o'clock in the morning. We had a great week. We were pretty busy the whole time we were there. There weren't too many times to sit around at all. We got to take Jakob to the water park at the N'vill children's park for the first time and we took him to the beach (he's been in the past but I'm sure didn't remember) Jeremy and his dad went to our house and cleaned it all up. They chopped down a dead tree and cleared away tree limbs and stuff just in time for the hurricane. Jakob's birthday party was so much fun. One thing that I really miss being down here is the big parties or bonfires or holiday cookouts with lots of friends. We kept Jakob's party to just a few friends but we had a great time. It's always fun to be at a child's birthday party. Every present no matter how big or small is appreciated. Jakob wanted to open every single gift that night! :)  I got to cut Jillian's hair which was a big blessing. When she asked me to do it I got a little teary eyed remembering when she called me and asked me to shave her head for the first time. I am so thankful that she's doing better and able to get any hair cut she wants now, and the crazy woman even wanted me to cut it short! That's what shaving your head will do for you. No more fear of short haircuts ;) I also cut Abi's hair, my mom's and Jeremy's moms. I actually really enjoyed playing hair stylist for women because all I do down here is cut my boys hair every 3 weeks or so. Much more fun to cut women's hair :) I saw a new doctor while I was home. His name is Dr. Caputo. I had heard his name numerous times through the years. I know a few people who had him as ob/gyn and loved him. He has started a weight loss clinic in his practice and deals a lot with hormone issues affecting both women and men (he also has his ob/gyn practice going, he's a busy guy!). I had my blood drawn for this appointment about 3 or 4 weeks ago so Dr. Caputo already had my test results. He said my adrenal hormones were low. One of which is testosterone. He pulled out a medical journal which stated that restoring the correct balance to your testosterone levels will help with heart health and may even lower cholesterol. I'm hoping maybe once I'm on the medication he prescribed for a few months I'll be able to get off my cholesterol medication. I talked quite in depth with him about my thyroid issues. He told me the tests said I have thyroid antibodies in my blood. What that basically means is that I have an autoimmune disease. My body is attacking my thyroid for whatever reason. This explains why my thyroid numbers can be perfectly fine and I'm still dealing with symptoms. He gave me a list of supplements that support thyroid function and said wait 3 months before I decide if it's helping or not. He was so knowledgeable about thyroid and is the first doctor to recommend anything to help me besides the medication to slow down my thyroid. The adrenal hormones Dr. Caputo prescribed to me have to be made in a compounding pharmacy so he sent my rx to Crestview Pharmacy and told me to expect a call from them later in the day. 

This is where I received the biggest blessing of the week...

That afternoon I got a call from the pharmacist at Crestview Pharmacy. He told me that he just received my information from Dr. Caputo and that he noticed I was taking methimazole for my thyroid. We talked a little about when and how I was diagnosed with hyperthyroid. He told me the reason he called is because his wife is hyperthyroid also and he then explained to me the best way they've found to take the medication (which includes taking half of the morning dose first thing and half 6 hours later) I have been doing this since I talked to him and my medication lasts much longer. I still get some symptoms about 30 mins to an hour before I need to take the next pill but it's much better than before. I talked to the pharmacist about symptoms and everything I'm experiencing his wife is experiencing also. This may sound odd but it was such a blessing to know I'm not crazy! I cannot tell you how much these doctors have made me feel like maybe I'm a mental patient. It is maddening because I know what I feel like. I know my symptoms are not in my head but in my body. Just to hear someone else say "what you are feeling is real" made all the difference to me. If there's anything I'm learning throughout this whole experience it is don't accept not feeling good. Search for a doctor until you find one who is willing to help you. I don't know if I'll ever feel "normal" again. -In fact when reading about autoimmune thyroid issues the odds are that eventually my thyroid will burn out and then I'll have to deal with issues from a slow thyroid.- but I now have people in my corner who will try everything they can to help me feel the best I can. The visit to the doctor and the call from the pharmacist gave me so much hope. I am so thankful for the way God directs our paths. I'm thankful that he brought my mom to this doctor and that he is willing to work with me also. In three months I will go for blood work again and then me and Dr. Caputo will have a consult via skype. I feel like I'm finally on the road to figuring this sickness out. Praise the Lord. 

We left for home on Sunday. I was very sad to leave everyone. Sad to leave the familiarity of our surroundings. Sad to leave the pretty part of Florida for the strange swampy part that we call home right now. I was very tired too though. We'd had such a busy week. We got home and unpacked the car...then we had to open every single birthday gift :) We're back to life as usual. TS Isaac brought us a little rain and a whole lot of wind but today (besides the very full ponds and overflowing canals) you can't even tell there was any weather. 

There's a couple exciting things on the horizon as well as a couple nerve wracking, stressful things. When Jeremy and his dad went to our house the other day it was in a state of disarray. Jeremy thinks the guy may have moved out. It's either that or they've just quit caring for the house, I don't know which is worse. I'm nervous but I know God's in control and I need to leave the details to him. I will try to be a better blogger from now on. Hope you're all having a great week and all my NW Florida friends stay safe.

Love,

          -Me   

Feeling better...

I've been feeling much better for the last week and a half or so (yay!) I saw the endocrinologist today and he wasn't quite as offensive to me as last time. I still think he has a very pushy/brash personality that I don't really care for but I'm not choosing a best friend, and obviously he knows a little about what he's doing, so I'm happy with that. I also went and got my blood drawn for the doctor in c'view who will be checking out my hormones (like 10 viles of blood!). I will also see him while we're home for Jakob's birthday. One downside to slowing down my thyroid is a slow in metabolism. That means I pretty much feel hungry all.the.time.!!! Tonight I am telling myself that I know I'm not hungry, I just ate dinner. I am trying to drink water every time I want to go get a snack. I would never choose feeling badly over gaining weight but I definitely don't want to gain weight!!! I am also trying to figure out how to change my diet a little while staying full. One thing you learn on Atkins is that fat keeps you full on a low carb diet. The only problem is because I've been diagnosed with high cholesterol I am not supposed to be eating fat. Only lean meats. My mother-in-law pointed out that the doctor probably suspects my high cholesterol is something hereditary which is why he told me natural methods wouldn't bring my levels down. When I saw my dad for the family reunion I asked him and he said he was diagnosed with high cholesterol when he left the airforce...at age 26. Even though his levels go down when he's eating low carb they never go down low enough for him to be off the medication. So now I'm thinking that medication will probably be with me for a long time to come. I'm curious to see how much the meds drop my levels because he put me on a very small dose. The doctor told me I need to change my diet meaning stop eating fried foods (I told him I have fried food maybe once or twice a month) stop eating beef (what!!!) and only eat pork once a week. I don't really eat much beef just because it is pretty expensive but I have recently come to love roast beef from the deli. I have switched to ground turkey for things like taco salad and chili. I really didn't eat beef with that before though because we'd been using ground deer meat that Jeremy got last year. I'm hoping that my cholesterol levels drop enough that I can continue to eat my roast beef sometimes :) 

Anyways, this is becoming a very boring post about some very boring stuff but it is what's going on right now. 

Now some funny things about Jakob:

He picks up my phone puts it to his ear and says "allo" "hi---, how ah you?" 

He is ob-sessed with angry birds. He plays it on my phone. He watches it on youtube. We found angry birds party supplies at party city so that's what we are doing his birthday in. My mother-in-law has a friend who makes awesome cakes so she's going to make us an angry birds birthday cake. I love that Jakob chooses his own likes and dislikes. I mean seriously. I would never had even considered angry birds anything but he loves them and I love them because he does. 

 He also loves birthday cake. He talks about it constantly. I'm super excited for the day when he'll get his very own birthday cake and it will even have his name on it :D he does recognize his own name, both when we vocally spell it out and when we write it out. 

He is now telling the nursery workers at church when he needs to potty. The lady on Wednesday thought it was so funny because he just climbs up on the toilet and holds his little private down so he doesn't pee over the toilet. He gets very upset when his pee-pee gets on the floor. I tried to get him to pee standing up but he was having none of it. We'll save that bit of fun for later. Lol. 

When we went to the family reunion we went back to my parents hotel and went in the pool for a few hours. Jeremy got Jakob to jump off the side of the pool to him. Once he did it he thought it was so fun and jumped again and again. So much that we were all tired of catching him! Now that the olympics are on Jakob likes to watch the diving and when they dive he says "jump da pool!" I told him maybe he found his lifes calling. ha!

Well, that's about all the entertaining thoughts I can put together right now. One good thing about slowing my thyroid down is I sleep so much better at night. -I used to be physically tired but lay in bed until 3 or 4 am and finally fall asleep.- The downside is by 8 o'clock I'm getting sleepy (maybe that's normal???) and by 10 I'm no good for nothing! 

Hope you all have a great weekend!!!

                  Just heard this on Pandora. Thought it was perfect for my post below :)

Thoughts on grace...

I don't know exactly what it is lately. Maybe it's Jakob's upcoming 3rd birthday??? I'm so emotional. -It's not a bad emotional though. I do feel on the verge of tears many times during the day, but it's all because of the grace God has shown me throughout my life. I know I'm so unworthy. I know he is so great and worthy of my praise. Life is not easy, (was it Solomon who said man's life is short of days and full of trouble?) and yet even through every hard point and low point, even when I don't trust God because I cannot see what good this pain is doing in my life he still gives me grace. In fact when I look at the rough times I see the grace God has provided and the way he brought me to him and showed me himself through my trials. God's grace is not (thankfully!) dependent on whether I am good enough to deserve it. I know I never will be. God's grace is not just there to give me what I want, but to show me a better way than I could have imagined for myself. To help me accept and even embrace what I wouldn't have chosen for my own life. I am thankful that I can look ahead to the rest of my life and know that when hard things come God's grace will still be there. There have been many times in my life when I haven't been gracious to others, and yet God has never taken his grace away from me. I want to be constantly reminded of the grace shown to me and to share it with those who have maybe forgotten (just a little) or maybe have never even known this gracious God of mine    

Good news...

My doctors office called yesterday and informed me that my echo-cardiogram showed no problems with my heart (sigh of relief). I still have an appointment with a cardiologist, but I see my endo again on the third of August and I will ask him if he thinks I need to see the cardiologist. The only reason I'm thinking I might need to see the cardio doc would be because of my racing pulse. The endo is ok with dealing with the whole thyroid thing but he's definitely not a heart specialist. 

Another little piece of good news I received was that my mom's doctor (back in C'view) has agreed to order all the blood tests to check my hormones and try to figure out if my thyroid symptoms may be coming from a hormone imbalance. He will work with me long distance which is awesome because I cannot find anyone down here who would prescribe bio-identical hormones (if needed). The doctors here just say if there's a hormone problem they would put me on birth control. Not happening to this chick. Too much family history as well as personal experience to teach me to stay away from birth control and synthetic hormones. When I was first married I had all those problems with my bladder and such debilitating pain I couldn't even get out of bed. Once I got off the birth control the pain eased by 80%. Now with not drinking caffeine or eating a lot of sugar I rarely have any pain with my bladder.  I am a little nervous about bringing yet another doctor into the picture right now but I am more than a little interested in knowing if I have some hormone issues going on...we'll see :) 

Tuesday...

I went to the doctor yesterday assuming that this giant medical group that had many different offices would house my new doctor in a separate office. Imagine my surprise when i learned this new doctor was also in my old doctors office! I wanted to just turn around and leave especially when the receptionist gave me a less than friendly look (or two) when i arrived. -Now she might have been having a bad day, i don't know but i did mention to the person booking my appointment the other day that i was unhappy with the service i was receiving at the time...ooops.- Anyways i figured i'd ask this new doctor if the same type of issues were going to be a problem. If they were then i will keep looking for another doctor. When i was in the exam room the nurse took my BP. It was good 117/78 which i think is very good considering i was upset to be dealing with the same people who'd been ignoring my calls for over a week now. Once the nurse left and i was waiting to see the doctor i heard a very loud man talking and I thought...oh, I hope that's not my new doctor. He just seemed like one of those loud people who aren't very personable. Well, my thoughts were pretty much right on target. The loud guy was the doctor. He's pretty horrible at people skills. In fact I was telling Jeremy some things he said to me while I was there and Jeremy said it was a good thing he didn't go this time because I'd have to drive all the way to the other coast to find a new doctor :) I have read that most endocrinologists are not overly friendly. They deal with diabetes and considering the amount of people suffering from that these days they are super busy and don't have time for chit chat. He came in and asked me what my problem was. I told him about the heart issues I was having and my eyes teared up a little (mostly just because I'm exasperated and a little scared). He said "why are you crying?" and then I started to tell him about not being able to get in touch with the office, sitting around at home feeling as though I was going to have a heart attack. I told him that had I known he was in the same office I never would have gone to see him either. He very abruptly told me to stop talking...(one of the first times I didn't like him) and told me that I was absolutely right to be upset. He told me that he wanted me to talk to the office manager about it. He said "you're young so that's one thing, but what if a 70 year old person calls and nobody calls them back. They might give up and something bad will happen to them" Here I interrupted him and told him just because I'm young doesn't mean that my issues are any less important. I feel like a lot of times doctors down here discount what I'm telling them because I'm "young and healthy." Anyways, my bloodwork came back saying that my thyroid function is normal. I told the doctor that I'm still having symptoms like my hair falling out, insomnia, jittery feelings and he asked if I wanted to take the meds for thyroid and see if bringing my thyroid number down a little helps me feel better. I said yes, I do want to try that. He also told me it sounds like I may have a prolapsed valve in my heart which would be causing the pain and sent me to get an ultra-sound of my heart (echo-cardiogram) -I know that will make Cat feel better- :D Overall I was happy that something is finally being done to figure out what's going on with me. I don't like the doctor as a person, well maybe that's not the right way to say it, I don't like the doctors personality but I feel like he is more capable to handle what I've got going on than the last doctor. He's already ordered a bunch of blood tests for my thyroid that my last doctor never had done. I'm going to take the methimazole for 2 weeks (that's the med to slow the production of tsh in the gland) and then I'll go see the doctor again and assess the progress. He also gave me a beta-blocker which would be for the heart pain, and would help slow down my racing heart, but he told me not to take both pills right now. He wants to know what my reaction to the methimazole is first before taking anything else. They are also scheduling me to see a cardiologist. He thinks I should have a stress test done to make sure my heart is ok. Last night I finally went to church after missing a couple weeks. I felt pretty good but about halfway through I started having major hot flashes. I asked Jeremy if he was hot (we are in south florida after all) and he said no. I should have known that would mean bad news...I woke up at 3 this morning with my heart just racing. I know I've got to be patient and give the medicine time to work. I think it actually takes a couple weeks before I'll see any changes. Thanks for the prayers and words of encouragement. Tuesday was the first day I've ever left Jakob with someone (outside of family) for a few hours. He did great. When I got there I asked him if he was ready to go and he said "no" and kept running around with his little friend :) It is such a load off my mind to have someone who can watch Jakob if I need her to. I try to get appts on Fridays then Jake can stay with Jeremy but sometimes it's just not possible. I hope you're all doing well and have a great weekend!   

So I went and had my blood drawn on Tuesday. Probably could have gone in and had it done Monday except the doctors office never called me to tell me that's what they wanted me to do. I was hoping to get the results by Friday, but I knew it probably wouldn't happen because it usually takes 4-5 days for them to get the results back. I decided I would call Friday morning and just ask. The girl on the phone said she would call the lab and ask if they had run the blood yet and talk to the doctor and see what he wanted to do. Well...no surprise I did not receive a call on Friday. I finally called the doctors office at 11:40 because I knew that they close at 12 on Fridays. I was put on hold for 15 or so minutes and finally I realized they're not answering the phone. They're probably done working for the day. This has been one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. What good is a doctor if you can never get in touch with him? I have just had to pray and trust that I will be ok until I can get someone to help me. If I think about what's going on too much or try to figure out why I'm having these pains I will go crazy!!! Anyways, as soon as I hung up the phone I decided I was going to get a new doctor. I figured it would probably take a month or two to get in (endocrinologists usually have a long waiting list) but in the meantime the primary care doctor had run blood on me and he can handle things for a month or two. I found another doctor (who's actually in the same medical building) and called his office. I told them that I have an endocrinologist but I'm very unhappy with him because I can never reach him or his nurse. They gave me an appointment for Tuesday. Thank-you Lord! I am hopeful this experience will be better than the last. I don't expect a ton from this doctor. I've never had to call and try to talk to a nurse before. Normally if I have some kind of symptom I make a note of it and ask the doctor on my next appointment. This time I was told I cannot wait until August to see the doctor, I need to see him as soon as possible. That was a week and a half ago. All I want is to be sure that when there is a problem my doctor is going to do something about it. So I'm sort of expecting a call from my current endocrinologist tomorrow...sort of. If they keep up the status quo then I won't hear from them tomorrow and I'll just talk to the new doctor on Tuesday. It's been a week and a half. One more day isn't gonna hurt anything. Both of these doctors are in the same medical group (internal medicine associates) so I think it will be easy for the new doc to get all my records and everything. You know what's funny? When I was referred to this doctor by an RE he said "let me know if you don't like him, some people don't and I'll refer you to someone else."  At the time I said "I just want the best doctor you know of" but if this is the best that guy knew of we obviously have different opinions of quality of service :/ I'll let y'all know what I find out either tomorrow or Tuesday. And now a question...should I tell the current docs office that I'm leaving and tell them why? I don't want to be mean about it but I really want to tell them that either they're too busy to have me as a patient or they run their office in a way I'm not comfortable with. I'm sure they're not going to miss one patient but I really feel like I should say something...

Craziness going on...

So i'm finding it a little harder to blog these days. I don't really have anything nice and flowery to say and who wants to write about depressing stuff all the time? I've been calling doctors offices literally all day today and have been either turned down or had to leave a message on an answering machine every time. I think i've reached a point with my thyroid disease that something has to be done. At the beginning of this year (it actually started when i was first pregnant) i started feeling my heart racing. I would take my pulse and my hr would be above 120. It is a very scary experience. Last week when we were supposed to be leaving to go home to visit i was having pressure in my chest. Like somebody was pushing down really hard on it. When i wasn't having that feeling i felt like a stabbing pain in my chest. Kinda like if you've been running and then try to breathe deeply. Chest pain really freaked me out. I canceled our trip and on Friday i went in to urgent care to get it checked out. I felt like i was winded all day. Like i couldn't catch my breath. The doctor checked my oxygen level and it was fine. They ran an ekg on my heart and it looked fine. He told me he thought these feelings were related to my thyroid and the only way to help rid me of them is going to be to slow my thyroid down (aka radio-active iodine). I'm at a point now where i'm just about ready to feel better. The bad part is i don't know if killing my thyroid will help me feel better. I don't know if there's something else going on in my body making my thyroid act up. I have read about your hormones being out of whack and that affecting your thyroid but good luck trying to find a doctor who wants to check in to that! I take that back. I did find one clinic today that gave me an appointment with their doctor and they do bioidentical hormone replacement but of course it's not covered by insurance. I have an appointment for Monday to meet with the doctor and ask some questions. I also got my blood drawn today and will hear from my endocrinologist in 4 or 5 days to see what my tsh levels are. It is very frustrating to know there's all this craziness going on in my body and it seems like i can't find a doctor to take me seriously or find anyone who has any answers.  As of right now i don't know which one i'm dreading more, my doctor saying my thyroid's out of whack again or him telling me there's nothing wrong and my levels look fine. I think if he tells me everything looks fine i might just break down on him. Anyways, that's what's going on in my life right now and why i don't have much to blog about lately. I would appreciate your prayers that i can find somebody who's willing to investigate and figure out what's causing all this. I realize nobody feels perfect and i accept that i never will but there's got to be something better than what i've got going on right now

We're still here...

Well, I had my house (as close to) spotless as it probably will ever be. Our refrigerator had been emptied and we'd eaten all but the salad dressings and other condiments in the door. Jakob's bag was fully packed and ready to go. But we didn't go. Thursday afternoon I started having some issues with my heart. It literally felt like it was about to beat out of my chest. I grabbed my blood pressure cuff and took a reading. 140 beats per minute. That is not good. I laid down and just did nothing for 30 minutes. The reading went down but not that much. After an hour it was 124. The best thing you can do when your heart is going crazy like that is not to stress. It's kind of hard not to stress though when your heart is going crazy like that. By Thursday night I had gone back and forth and back again about whether I was able to make a 10 hour trip feeling the way I did. I knew that it could all go away the next day or it could take 3 or 4 days to fully "recover" from the way I was feeling (that happens sometimes) Thinking about not being able to get in to see my Dr if I needed to only gave me more stress. Jeremy said it was all up to me and how I felt about traveling. I finally made the decision to stay home. I felt bad because we were supposed to leave the next day and I knew everyone would be disappointed. I also knew if I went feeling the way I felt right then that I'd be no fun and stressed the whole time. Thursday night made me glad I made that decision because it was another one of those rough nights. Thankfully I haven't had one in 3 or 4 weeks (until now). Well, that's the reason we're still here and why I won't get to see some of you in the next couple of weeks. We will reschedule our trip. I'm thinking maybe we'll go around Jakeys birthday. Hope you all have a great weekend :)

Uh-oh...

So you know we're leaving to go home on Friday. The other day my landlord e-mailed me and said "hey, we're going to be in town on the fourth of July" meaning they want to come by and see the house (they do this once or twice a year).  I told him we'd be out of town and he asked if he could come in the house and check out the carpet that got replace as well as change some filters on some appliances. I told him that's fine... Now on top of trying to get everything together to leave I've been rushing around trying to make sure the house is spotless. I don't know why but I get so nervous when  they come over but I do. We just asked him if we can have a dog in this house and he said yes b/c we take such great care of the house, so now I want it perfect when they come! I also remembered today that this will be our first 10 hour trip with Jakob wearing undies. (sigh) That means it may be more like an 11 or 12 hour trip. We usually only stop once on these trips now we'll need to stop every few hours. I hope that my bubbie can make the whole trip without any accidents, but we'll see...

Uggghhh!...

So you would think that eating healthier than I ever have in my life as well as cutting out all caffeine and drinking tons of water would give me the best, clearest skin ever, right? (at least that's how I think it should be;) Well, it hasn't. And it's driving me crazy! My face is so broken out. It's those huge under-the-skin things that hurt really bad as well as look awful. They also take FOR-EVER to go away. I literally will not leave the house without makeup. I cannot believe I'm 28 years old and still dealing with breakouts :( I have been using Mary Kay cleansing products as well as their acne treatment cream. It does not seem to be helping at all. I am now looking into other products. I really don't want to have to get locked in to paying monthly for products (i.e. proactive, etc) but I really need something that will help with this stuff. BareMinerals (whose makeup I wear) has this acne treatment that I may try not to prevent breakouts really but to see if it helps them go away faster. I'm really thinking more and more that I need to have my hormones tested. Thyroid can mess up hormones -or- hormones can mess up thyroid. Either way there's something going on here...

If You want me to...

Waiting...

I love this boy! :)

Well, Jeremy talked to the people from Arkansas and they told him they hired someone else. The guy did say though that they got 100 applications and Jeremy was number 2 on their list to hire. As my dad told me the other day every time Jeremy interviews for a job and somebody else gets hired he moves up on the list. The possible move out of this town has fallen through also. Jeremy's boss gave him multiple reasons (which don't really make too much sense) as to why they don't want to move the office. After that Jeremy asked him about just having two offices where he could split time between two places but it would allow him to move to the other town. His boss didn't say no, but he wasn't real enthusiastic about that either. A few people employed by/in Jeremy's same field do exactly the same thing but for some reason they are reluctant to let him do it. We both agreed to drop that idea all together. Long story short we decided that obviously that door is closed for a reason. We always go into situations trusting that if a move is God's will it will happen and if not it won't. We will just continue to wait on the Lord and trust that this is where he wants us for now. It is not easy. Sometimes I just want to move back to our house in NW Florida and leave Jeremy here.-I would never actually leave him here by himself, I would miss him too much, but I feel about that desperate sometimes. Other times (like yesterday) things go very well and the weather is perfect and I feel like I can make it a little while longer :) Jeremy is leaving on July 10th to go TDY to Jacksonville and Palatka (in central Florida) so we've decided to take a trip to visit the grandparents. We will head up on the 29th of this month(!!!) Jeremy will leave me and Jakob there while he goes on his trip and then he will come back and pick us up around the 14th or 15th. That means I will get 2 weeks back home. I am totally excited because summer means we can take Jakob to Rocky Bayou Park and the beach. I think a visit home to some place familiar is what we both need right now

Finished product...

So here's Jakob's art project. I only had to show him once how to paint and he went crazy as you can tell by the globs of paint on the canvas :) I showed him how to make handprints and then he kept putting his hands on the paint and slapping it on the canvas. Paint was splattering everywhere! Would have been a better idea to do this outside but it was too hot! Thankfully I only got a couple drops of red paint on my carpet and they washed right out. The paint I found was watercolor so it did bleed underneath the letters but I think it turned out cute anyway. Nothing wrong with a little tye-dye (lol) Jakob had a huge smile on his face this morning when he took his painting to show his daddy.We hung the picture above his bed. I think as Jakob gets older and the world gets a whole lot scarier for him it will be good for him to memorize this verse and even more to understand that God is in control of our lives and we can rest in him :D

Not so crafty...

I am not a very crafty person. I wish I had a creative mind but I just don't. I realize this in areas of decorating, dressing, just about everything in my life. I did see this project a couple days ago and I thought...hey! I think even I can do that. It's such a cute idea and I'm always trying to think of ways to add some color to Jakob's room b/c we're renting (and hoping to move) so we've never painted his walls. Today we'll be heading to "the big city" lol so I'm going to get all the supplies I will need. I also want to look for large letters that I can paint and spell out Jakob's name on his wall. He had some when he was younger but they don't match anymore :( 

Right now I've got to get busy and figure out which Bible verse I want to do for our project!