The hurt and the healer...

"The Hurt & The Healer"

Why?
The question that is never far away 
But healing doesn’t come from the explained
Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What’s left of me
When glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What’s left of me
When glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide


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From the first time I heard it I liked this song. I am a words person and the words to this song are beautiful. Today I was driving home from Jakob's doctors appointment and this song began to play on the radio. I realized that it's already September. How time flies when you're not really waiting on anything in particular to happen. I realized that if I had stayed pregnant I would be huge and probably a little miserable right now, but I would have had a little baby next month. Next month. The words to the song say "I'm alive, even though a part of me has died" and all of a sudden it hit me. I don't know  exactly what he meant when he wrote those words, but I realized a part of me died back at the beginning of the year. Sometimes it's still hard for me to comprehend that I actually had a child growing inside of me since I only knew I was pregnant for a couple weeks and I never got far enough along in the pregnancy to look pregnant or feel the baby move. It still seems unreal sometimes that I got pregnant. On my own. Without fertility treatments. Even more unreal that after a miracle like that I lost the baby. Tears began to pour from my eyes. My heart felt broken all over again. I mourned for the last 6 months that we've spent without our baby. I cried over the next month or so when I will have to deal with the pain of knowing our due date comes and goes without a sweet little addition to our family. Yet, even in the pain of the moment I was so grateful to know *the* healer. The loss of a baby could make anyone bitter and angry. The loss of a miracle after dealing with infertility and knowing how hard it is for some to have a baby most definitely could ruin your happiness, but it has not. God has wrapped his arms around me in the most difficult days and let me know his grace. I know that his will is perfect and that he works all things for my good. I don't know how people get through rough situations in life without his help. Yes, losing a baby hurts but when the hurt and the healer collide the healer will always win. 

Thank-you God for healing my heart day by day, moment by moment