The news

So, I've decided to start keeping a blog about this journey Jeremy and I are embarking on. Only friends will read this so you basically know my story. Ever since I was young I've wanted to be a mother. I'm an oldest child so I guess I like to baby and boss people around. :) I've always loved kids and wanted either 4 or 6 of them depending on the money I had and if i could afford them. (Up till I was married and matured a little I never thought of the labor part or birthing 6 kids!) Jeremy and I decided to start trying to get pregnant when we were married around two years. -You know what's kind of odd is that I've always somehow known that I would have trouble getting pregnant - It was not much of a surprise to me when it didn't happen right away. I've had some hormone issues in the past, no big deal right? Still that gnawing sense of trouble was always in my mind. Well, to make a long story short 3 surgeries and a whole lot of clomid pills (fertility drugs) later we still aren't pregnant. My gynecologist told me to buckle down and get ready because infertility is a long road and it's not for the faint of heart. I've been seeing this awesome doctor named Barry Ripps and he and his staff are very knowledgable and so caring. Every time you go to the office you just feel that these people are going to do everything they can to make this happen for you. There's pictures of babies-single babies up to triplets and quadruplets all over the walls, and it just makes you hopeful it'll happen for you too. Until last friday which right now is only four days ago we had no idea what was causing all this trouble for us. It was becoming fairly obvious to me that we weren't going to get pregnant on our own. The doctor ran very extensive tests on Jeremy and me and told us the results on friday. My tests surprisingly came back very well. With all the troubles I've had in the past I was sure they'd find something wrong , but every visit the nurses kept saying how they wished everyone had the same results. Jeremys tests however were not so good. There's nothing genetically wrong- which we can thank God for- but for some reason his sperm is just not strong enough to fertilize an egg on it's own. The doctor told us that we will never conceive a child without medical technology. Now that I think about it it sounds so devastating. When he was telling this to us all I could think was thank God there's technology to help us. Well, technology always comes at a price. Unfortunately insurance won't pay for in-vitro fertilization which is what our doctor says is about the only way for us to conceive our own blood related child. I am still willing to do whatever it takes to pay that price. We will try artificial insemination 2 or 3 times though the doc says it'll take a miracle for it to work. In the meantime we will pray for patience and wisdom and just keep trying. I am going to chronicle the whole journey, I think it's good for me to get things off my chest. Also this way I don't have to explain things a bunch of times people will be able to read it and not have to hear it second or third hand. I will say in advance I'm gonna be on alot of drugs so if I seem cranky or whiny please forgive me. I'm trying to have a good christian outlook and faith in God, but I'm human too. I will write again soon and let everyone know what's going on with us. Until then... still searching Proverbs 13:12