So remember my last post how I said that I always tend to tell people a little too much about my situation and sometimes people get uncomfortable because they've never really thought about the IVF process or don't know very much about it. I grew up in a house of five girls so we talk about feminine stuff all the time (ovulation, periods, etc.) that's not a big deal to talk about to me. I've met people who act like they've never had a period in their lives. I even met a girl once who looked shocked and dismayed when I said something about breastfeeding! I later found out she bottle fed her baby so I guess she was not comfortable talking about the subject. Wow, I got way off topic. Anyways, what I was trying to get at is all the sudden I feel myself wanting to clam up. On Sunday I found out that a third girl at my church (and this place is small like less than 30 people right now) is pregnant. If she happens to read this blog I want her to know my feelings have nothing to do with her and I'm very happy for all three women. Thinking about all the pregnant women who I'll be around and all the babies 6-9 months from now I started to panic a little. If I don't get pregnant there's going to be a constant reminder that this cycle didn't work. If I do get pregnant and lose the baby there's a constant reminder of that. That's what happened to me when I miscarried in 2012. It is literally making me feel queasy just thinking about it. I have to just stop the thoughts and pray every time they start. Worry is not going to accomplish anything. My future is in God's hands and honestly that's the best place for it to be. It's still hard. I haven't been nervous until now. I felt like packing up the blog and not talking about this anymore. But I won't. I need those of you who read this blog to pray for me and I'm telling you what I need prayers for right now and that's peace. Peace to accept God's will for my life and peace to trust him in a situation that I have no control over. Thank-you friends
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