Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Birth control?...
So last week I went to see the OB. It was my last appointment there till my exam next year. Dr. Hennessey was asking me all these questions, then he says "birth control?" In the form of a question. I said "what about it?" I knew what was coming, but was gonna make him explain his line of thinking. He then asked if I needed birth control pills. (in my mind this is just laughable) I told him no, Dr. Ripps basically said that it'd be a miracle if we conceived on our own and I'm not taking them. Hennessey just looked at his nurse and laughed a little. They've seen these "miracles" before. I did not feel like going into the whole explanation of male factor infertility, or the fact that the doctor had to use ICSI to fertilize the egg, because it was not gonna happen naturally. If I were to get pregnant naturally it would be amazing, miraculous, and frankly it would be kind of exciting, because I never expect it to happen, (not that i want it to happen, nor that I think it would, but every woman dealing with infertility would love to just miss a period, take a test and find out they're pregnant). I told him I've been on synthetic hormones for 2 years now, and I need a break. My body needs a break, and who better to take a break than a person who took 3 years to conceive anyways? He said it's my choice, but I'd better be careful...
I don't want to be pregnant again for a loooong time, it was quite scary at the end, and I'm not ready to jump into that again, but I know my history, I know the struggle it took to get Jakob here. It's not like I had blocked tubes, or endemitriosis that could have cleared up. Our fertility issue is not going away, or getting better. If and when we decide to have another baby we will once again go see Dr. Ripps and his staff and we'll work from there. I'm o.k. with that, I just wish sometimes that other people would accept my reality. I like Dr. Hennessey, and I think he's good at his job, but I feel like he doesn't look at people on a case by case basis. Oh well, I'm now done with OB appointments. I'll see Dr. Campbell in a couple weeks and hopefully get cleared on the BP issue and then I'm done with doctors except for Jakes appointments. On the 23rd he starts his immunizations! Poor guy. My friend whose baby is 5 days younger than Jakob said her little girl cried alot after her shots. I just have to prepare myself for that...it's gonna break mommy's heart. Well, hope y'all have a great day!
-Me
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6 comments:
I dont blame you I hate the way BC makes you feel:(About you getting pregnant naturally...I could tell you stories about two of my friends that were NEVER suppossed to be preggo, they both adopted and ended up pregnant with no explaination(one girl tried for 12 years!)...but if you are anything like me that would make you mad:)I always hated when people would try to tell me stories about someone they knew whos child had a brain bleed and can now run and jump and is in college...grrr.I would want say "ITS NOT THE SAME SITUATION YOU IDIOT!!!"But two things that have helped me have glimmers of hope for Benjamin....#1 my pastor said a long time ago(about 4 years) that every christian should be praying for some type of miracle b/c it builds our faith.#2my mom used this verse during the roughest part of our struggle with Benjamin...Matthew 9:23-24.We believe that God can do anything..but at the same time we need help because it is so hard to really believe:)That has been my struggle...I sometimes dont even want to waste my time praying for Benjamin to walk because it seems so unrealistic.So I have a long way to go in my belief.I know nothing about your guys type of infertility but I can tell by what you write that getting pregnant naturally would be just as big of a "impossiblity" as Benjamin walking someday.But both of us know someone who can take care of our problems.(have you ever heard the song "my name is lazerus"?i love that song)anyways I will add your getting preggo to my miracle prayer list:)
Yeah, I think that's the hardest part is miracles do happen, but that doesn't mean that it's God's plan. I'm o.k. with that, ya know? In my case I am just so thankful that I could have Jakob, I don't need anything else.
-more children would be great, if I can stay healthy while having them, but Jakob is enough-
In your case, I do pray for a miracle. Benjamin has already overcome so much, and accomplished much more than the doctors ever thought. My pastor said believing in God and believing on God are two different things. Believing God can do miracles is one thing. Believing he will do a miracle for you is another, and we definitely need God's help with that. Every child is a miracle, but my little boy is an impossible miracle, as is Dana's baby and knowing that God answered our hearts desires increases my faith. When I could not ask God for a miracle he still knew my heart and gave me one :) I'm praying for Benjamin, and waiting to see just what great things God will do in his life.
Oh yeah, I don't get mad when people tell me their "miracle stories" anymore, I just kinda roll my eyes in my mind and laugh inwardly.
Girl, I know what you mean! There have been tons of ppl talking to me and asking me if we are going to try right away after this baby is born. I just want this baby to be healthy and be born first!!! Craziness! I know that being done with hormones and doctors will be so awesome for you! I am excited about coming off some of my meds..it is so freeing!!! Love you and I will say a pray for Jakob that he doesn't feel those shots. I have heard to give him some tylenol before the shots and that will help, but DO NOT take my word for it..ask your momma. I am sure she will know :D Love you Sweety!!!
The day I got out of the hospital my friend called me and asked me if we were gonna have more kids!!! I told him, "did you not just hear me say I was in the hospital 10 days???" People are funny that way.
It is SO difficult when others can't fathom our own personal realities. Kinda like being in a fishbowl. Everyone sees you but THEY are on the outside! They may be able to see what is going on and know on an intellectual level what is going on but being in the fish bowl is a whole different life!!! The struggle for a Christian woman is to keep a right attitude and be a good example for others. Like you said Shauna, we may be rolling our eyes on the inside! We have to assume those on the outside are not ignorant, callous or mean spirited, but that they just have not been where we are. Even some who have been in very similar circumstances don't know exactly what we are dealing with personally.
I had a very funny (well i can laugh about it now!) experience with this last week. I deal with terrible chronic sinusitis. I have seen many doctors in many different places. I have literally tried everything and right now I get by on steroids! So, I took ill... pretty bad off just as we were starting revival. This caught the attention of a lady in our church who came up and asked "have you tried Mucinex"? I really hope I was not rude to her and didn't *actually* roll my eyes!! I was actually quite angry!! When I got home I vented to Jess and Becc and dear Hubby. I can't even begin to tell you how insulted I felt! I know she was well meaning but...
ok, so I am going to cut this short so I don't relive it! LOL! Anyway, my prayers are with you DAILY girls and I give you permission to roll your eyes directly at me if I say anything stupid to you! ;)
Wow, I know exactly what you all are talking about. Only unfortunately my poor well-meaning hubby is the one who gets to me most. This stinking psoriatic arthritis isn't bad enough, he thinks some Dr. is going to have a new trick. They all work for a period of time but the human body is quite smart about finding ways around drugs. The last 6 months of enbrel almost did me in so I'm more content to live with the pain and ugly red spots and even worse the stares and rude comments. Oh well, won't Heaven be a truly, more than we can say or imagine, wonderful place? What is the verse, Eye hat not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath pepared for them that love Him. 1Cor.2:9 What comfort!
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