Christmas eve...

This afternoon me and Jeremy will load Jakob up and drive to Eufala to my grandpa's house. Tomorrow really early we'll wake up and head to Georgia. Uncle Jim's funeral is tomorrow morning at 10:30. I'm gonna try to make it back in town on Thursday so that we can have our traditional present exchange at Jeremy's parents house Thursday night, but we will see. There will be alot of family at the funeral that have never met Jakob so I can't just rush out afterwards. Please pray for my dad, my Aunt Betty has asked him to speak at the funeral. I know it will be emotional for him, just pray God will direct him in what to say. We are all doing alot better here, knowing that Uncle Jim is out of pain and in Heaven with Jesus. There are no bad memories with him, and no regrets about the way he lived his life. Isn't that how we should all try to leave this world? Thursday night we're supposed to get alot of heavy rain here in Northwest Florida, so if you think about it please pray for our safety on the road. I love you all and hope you have a great Christmas eve, and a Wonderful Christmas. Thank-you God that you sent your only son to earth to die for us! I will post Christmas pictures later!

Saying goodbye...

Losing the ones we love is never easy. Even knowing that they trusted Jesus as their personal savior and are sharing in the joys of Heaven doesn't help the pain of missing them in this life. Today one of the most important people in my life will be taken off of life support, and he will pass on to Heaven. My Uncle Jim (my great uncle) is so important to me and my family, and we will have a hole in our hearts that will never be filled. To understand his importance in our lives I have to dredge up some memories that could be very sad, but they are not, thanks to Uncle Jim and Aunt Betty. Please excuse me for bringing up some very personal feelings, but this is my blog, and this post will help me so much in the years to come. Also, alot of you who read this blog have met, or even spent a great deal of time with Aunt Betty and Uncle Jim, so you love them too. Growing up my grandparents got mad at my dad for something...don't really know what, but I think it was because we didn't go to Tampa for Christmas or something like that. From that point on when we went to Tampa they were not at home...It's hard for me to imagine this as a mother, who sees how her parents adore her little boy, how you could ever miss out on your grandchild's life by choice. Well, it happened to us. We never missed out on a thing though, because we had a wonderful set of (chosen) grandparents in my dad's Aunt and Uncle. Every Easter growing up we'd be at their house. We'd color eggs, and go to their Church for Easter Sunday. Every Thanksgiving we'd eat dinner at their house, I even remember a few where I was sick, and puking my guts up on Thanksgiving day, but we were always in Georgia. We vacationed at their Lakehouse and visited whenever we could. I never even thought about what I was missing, because I had no reason to. Once I got married I wrote Aunt Betty and Uncle Jim a letter, thanking them for taking us in when our own family rejected us. I told them that they will always in my heart be my grandparents. They didn't have to be, but they chose to, that makes it so special. Most of you know when I was about 15 years old (Carissa was a baby) we started to see our grandparents, and got to know them more like family.My grandma actually apologized to my dad, and the relationship was mended. There is no bitterness in my heart towards them, I love them both, but they did miss out. My memories of Uncle Jim are so precious. He was a soul winner and a great Christian witness. He loved our family, and he'd get all teary eyed when we showed up at his door, and almost bring you to tears when we left his house. He loved us so much. With every loved one I lose Heaven seems so much more near, and I thank God I have the assurance that I will be with Uncle Jim again someday.

My most special Christmas gift...

Yep, he's four months old!

Yes, to the doctors again!!!...

So yesterday morning at 4:00 I woke up with a horrible pain in my lower back. At first I thought, well maybe I'm ovulating. (I know what you're thinking what kind of person thinks of that first thing...it's the IF brain that's still there) As I laid in bed and tried to go back to sleep it just got worse and worse. I got out of bed and tried to get my mind off the pain. Finally I woke Jeremy up around 5:30 and showed him where my back was hurting. (It was soooo painful) He said that is where my kidneys are, do I need to go to the hospital? I do not ever want to go to another hospital!!! I know I will have to one day, and I'll have to suck it up and deal with it, but I don't want to go! I decided to wait until the doctors office opened and then go see him. In the meantime I'm looking up symptoms on the computer and figured out that it's either got to be a kidney stone, or appendicitis. Oh great. Can I ever just get better? I realize that they pumped me full of meds after I had Jake, and there may be reprecussions from that, but I just want to have a length of time where i actually feel good. The nurse on the phone says the doctor does want to see me, but they can't get me in till 9:30, and then I still may have to wait a while. Dr. C is not in today, so I have to see his P.A. We took Jakob to Jeremy's mom's house and went to the doctor's office. We sat and waited for about and hour and a half then I finally saw the doctor. He sent me down the hall for blood work and a stomach x-ray. There was no kidney stone (thank-God!) but there was sign of an infection in my urine, and where I was having pain was consistent with my appendix, so he sent some of the blood out for testing. Thankfully I am not having problems with my appendix either, I was just experiencing pain with the infection. I am on antibiotics and the pain in my back is totally gone today. Anyways, I'm still hoping and praying that one day I will be all better, and won't have to freak out at any little sign of a problem. :)

New LIFE (New leaders in infertility and endocrinology)

We took Jakob to New LIFE today to visit with everybody there. They had a fit over him. This picture is Linda the IVF coordinator (white shirt) and Kim the ultrasound tech (blue shirt). Kim was pregnant with baby number 4 when I last saw her, she looks great! Doctor Ripps is in the shirt and tie, and the other guy is doctor Minhas, he is the embryologist who mixed all the eggs and sperm. When he saw Jakob he said, Ooooh, we mixed the perfect ones :) I would have to agree. They're gonna put our picture of Jake up on the website, and they want us to write a testimonial. I am trying to write it without sounding sappy, or like I'm sucking up, but I truly love all these people. How can I not absolutely adore the people who traveled this road of infertility with me and (with God's help) gave me the most wonderful gift. I have to say the road has been hard. I've been an emotional wreck for the past couple years, but I wouldn't change a thing. I have my Jakey, I have my memories, and I have my faith in God. I couldn't ask for more.

A year later...

Well, last December 13th was a special day for me. It was a day full of anxiousness and hope, I was so excited, yet so nervous. I was praying that if things didn't work out the way I wanted them to that God would help me to accept his will and not become bitter. December 13th 2009 was the day they transferred two little embryo's into my body. I remember we went to the doctor's office, and no lights were on. We opened the front door and there was no one at the receptionist desk. (keep in mind it was a Saturday) Jeremy and I kinda looked at each other hoping we didn't get the date wrong, but we knew we hadn't. We went back through the door to the exam rooms, and everyone was busy preparing for our transfer. Putting the little embryo's in was simple. It took Dr. Ripps all of 20 seconds. Waiting on the table I was just hoping and hoping that this IVF would work. How heartbroken I'd be if it didn't. I was supposed to wait 30 minutes before getting up. They want to make sure the embryo's aren't harmed and have a chance to settle. I could barely wait 15 minutes with all the water they have you drink beforehand, and I had to get up and go to the bathroom. Oh no, did I just mess everything up? I couldn't make it any longer. I'm just gonna have to trust God with this whole situation. If his will is for me to have these babies then he will have to keep them safe. We left the office not too long after that with the BETA (blood test) scheduled for December 24th. Oh my. Now my heart is beating. This could be either a really good Christmas, or the worst Christmas of my life. Lord, I just have to trust you. Two weeks went by. Should I take a home pregnancy test? I want to know so bad, yet I am terrified that it might be negative. I really don't want to get a false negative and be so upset if I am pregnant, that could hurt the bab(y)(ies). I ask Jeremy about it and he says NO! you just need to be patient and wait till the BETA. (I think he was a little nervous to know too) So I waited. December 24th came around and we once again drove to Pensacola to Dr. Ripps office and had blood drawn. Linda told me she'd call me around 2:00. We came back to Crestview and went grocery shopping at Wal-mart. Anything to pass the time away. Around 2:00 we got a phone call. I had already told Jeremy that I wanted him to hear first, then he could tell me if it was good or bad. I knew if it was bad news that I would be an emotional wreck, and I didn't want to be on the phone with Linda when that happened. Really I would just rather receive the bad news from Jeremy. Jeremy answers the phone and says, "hi Linda, Mhhhhmm, mhhhhm, o.k., o.k. I will." The whole time I'm watching his face, trying to see if it's good news or bad. At one point I kinda saw a little smile come across his face, but he was being very serious. I had a feeling it was good news. He hung up the phone. He tries to tell me it was negative, but can't hold his smile in, I knew it was positive! "We're gonna be parents" he tells me. I cried nervous, overjoyed tears. Linda wanted me to call back once he told me. I called her and she said, "Jeremy wasn't as excited as I thought he'd be" then I explained what he was attempting to do and she just laughed. What a journey we've made in the past year. From the little tiny ball of cells (above) to the sweet, precious, happy baby below. I love Jakob more than words could ever say. I will always be amazed at the way he came into being and in awe of the Great God who formed and created him. I love Dr. Ripps and all his staff, but had God not allowed it I wouldn't have my son today. I praise God for the wonderful works he has done for me. What a difference a year makes... Psalm 107:13- Then they cried unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them out of their distresses. 14- He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and brake their bands in sunder. 15- Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! God is great indeed!

Jakob with his Baby Woody from Disney World Jakob eating Woody

So cute! Can't wait to take him to Disney World one day :)

Roly-Poly baby...

Jakey is getting very roly poly as you can see in these pics... -yes, I am saving these pictures for blackmail when he starts dating :) -

Making Christmas memories...

I just got done putting up the Christmas tree. I was thinking while putting it up that it would be really nice to have a real tree. The reason why I have a fake tree goes back to our first Christmas as a married couple (Dec.2004). We went out and picked out a real tree. Took it home and set it up. It was a little hard to get it into the Christmas tree stand, but we finally did it. Our tree looked so pretty for days and days. One night we were in bed, and heard this loud crash...yep, our tree fell over in the living room. Upon further examination our trees trunk was very crooked and It could not stand up very well. Once we picked it up and got it situated so it wouldn't fall over any more I noticed a huge green stain on my carpet...yep, our beautiful Christmas tree was spray painted green (I guess to keep it looking nice or something? We obviously don't have trees like that growing around here). Thankfully my aunt and uncle owned a carpet cleaning business, so my aunt gave me this miracle potion that got all the stains out. (only "professionals" can buy this stuff, but it'll get any stain out, even purple grape juice -as I learned from experience)When the tree fell over it left alot of pine needles on the floor, so I got my vacuum out and vacuumed it all up. A large amount of pine needles will clog up your vacuum cleaner ladies, so don't try it at home! I eventually had to trash the vacuum because it never worked right again. Thinking back I chuckle at that whole fiasco. It was pretty funny, just not at the time. I think next year we will buy a real tree, Jakob will be old enough to appreciate it. Yes, I will check the trunk of it, and I think we'll go to Defuniak and visit the Christmas tree farm, so we won't be needing any green spray paint. The things you learn once you're out on your own huh? Like not putting your pretty smelling Christmas candles in the attic, or they will melt all over your Christmas tree skirt and Christmas stockings...hehe, another story for another time. I hope you all are enjoying this time of year and remembering the Reason for this Season. Love, Shauna

Not much going on...

Not much to write, but thought I'd post anyways. My parents are gone to Disney this week, so I've been babysitting Noah for my mom. I've been getting a taste of what having two kids would be like. (crazy!) Noah's being a good boy though so it's o.k. Tomorrow Jeremy's taking me to Destin, and we're gonna return some stuff at Bass Pro and do some shopping :) I got an appointment to get my wisdom teeth pulled on the 30th of Dec. When the dentist looked at my x-rays in October he said that the root of my bottom wisdom teeth are growing towards a nerve and I need to get them pulled out. I was trying to wait till early next year to get them done (mostly because I'm a chicken) but I've been having some strange feelings in my teeth, so I think I need to get it done. I am gonna get all four pulled out at once (!) and I'm a little nervous, but figure I might as well get it over with. My little fella is getting bigger (what else is new?) we weighed him the other day and he weighed over 18 pounds. 3 months old and 18 pounds!!! My camera needs some batteries which is why I have no new pictures lately. Tomorrow night I'm going with Kara to the Noah's Ark christmas party (my old job) at Coach and Four and everyone is dying to meet the baby. I'm really excited about that. Well, that's about all that's going on right now. Hope you all have a great weekend!!! Love,