The reality of infertility...

Well, most of you have been following Dana's story (the blog one step at a time) with me. She has become a friend of mine, and honestly I have never prayed for someone (besides myself) as much as I have prayed for her. I really feel like we have the same story. Dana went for her blood test today, and found out that she is not pregnant. My heart is just broken for her. I cannot even imagine after all the work, and all the hope getting a negative result. IVF is nothing to be taken lightly. The shots, and hormones and emotions are real, and they are not always easy to deal with. Here I am with a child on the way, yet even now preparing myself for the fact that this may be the only child i'll ever have. I will not do the egg retrieval again. I know that for a fact. I thought I might die the last time, and I feel like I shouldn't tempt fate. My embryos that remain are not as advanced as the embryos we used last time, and only half of those even survived thawing. I know the odds are I will only have one child. Yet, I have a child on the way. I feel so blessed, and yet have to wonder why me? Why does God choose one person to have a child and not another? I feel like Dana would be a wonderful mother, why did God choose this path for her? I just have to trust God's plan even for Dana and all the other deserving women in this world who long for what I've been blessed with and it just doesn't happen. I guess this situation just makes me look back and see how good God has been to me. There's no reason why I wasn't the one who got the negative pregnancy test. I'm no better than anyone else, there's nothing that God owes me. It's so hard to remember sometimes that we see only a small portion of the big picture. It's so hard to wait on God's timing and sometimes even to understand his way. Lord, I am so grateful for the miracle you've given me. Please help us to trust your heart, even when we cannot see your hand. I know that you feel our pain, you weep when we weep. Please be near to Dana tonight and comfort her and her husband. I know that what you have in store is better than anything we could comprehend. Give her the strength to wait on you. In Jesus name, Amen.