My thoughts on this Mother's Day...

I would like to start out this post by saying that my Mom is in Tennessee this Mother's Day, and I already miss her, and she's only been gone one day. Her and my dad were supposed to go to Tennessee in March, but they got snowed out, and had to come home. She rescheduled and didn't think about Mother's Day, so we've had our good cry about it, and even though I'd much rather be spending Mother's Day with her I understand that they couldn't cancel these plans. I love my Mom so much. She is the most giving, loving, unselfish person I've ever known. My Mom is the "church Mom". We have a church full of military people, alot of them young and away from families for the first time, and my Mom just automatically falls into the roll of mothering most of them. Most of you know, don't ever go to my Mom's house after you've just eaten, because she will make you eat again. Mothering is just her thing. She's just really good at it. My Mom has been my best friend all my life. We have a great time together. Throughout all my journey with infertility my Mom has been there with me. She's driven the hour and 20 minutes to the doctor's office with me more times than you can count. She's held my hand and prayed with me when my heart has been broken. When there were no words to say, and no way to heal the hurt my Mom was there just to support me. When I was in the hospital with my OHSS after my egg retrieval my Mom came to my house, cleaned it spotless and made me dinner so when I got home everything was done. This is the reason I've always wanted to be a Mother. My Mom made being a Mother a very important job. The most important job you could ever have. I hope that I can be even just a small amount of the Mother that she's been, and Jakob will be very blessed. Now, I must thank God for the opportunity he has given me to be a Mother. Even now, when I feel him move I still get kinda awestruck that he is here. There have been a few Mother's Days that I spent in sadness. I didn't know if I'd ever get the chance to be a Mom. We tried surgeries, medications, and IUI's and doctor Ripps finally said IVF is your chance to be pregnant. Wow. My only chance. If IVF didn't work, what was I going to do? I knew that God placed this desire in my heart, to have children, but how would he fulfill it? At that point in my life I wasn't opposed to adoption, but it brings more waiting, more heartache, was that his way? Looking at finances we couldn't afford IVF. Most meds were covered (except the progesterone, which is pricey) but the procedure was not. I just believed that God would provide, and he has. We've paid for about 7 or 8 thousand dollars worth of fertility costs already. We have less than that to go! As time for the IVF came I realized that the doctor could do everything right, I could do everything right, and still I could end up childless. This whole In-Vitro process was still in God's hands. God held my child in his hand. He would do the forming in my womb if a baby was to be born. This was not an issue that I could negotiate, or whine and get my way, or even beg, it was all up to God. I just give him all the glory and all the praise for the most precious gift he has given to me. Now I get to start my journey as a Mother. I know it's not always easy. I think about all the sacrifices my Mom has made for me, and I wonder, can I be that unselfish? Can I give my all to this child the way that he deserves? Can I make him top priority and put my all into raising him to know and love the God I serve? It can be overwhelming to think of. But you know what? I have a little insight that maybe some people who haven't been in my situation may not consider. I know God gave Jakob to me, and I know that it was a miracle, an impossibility, so I know that God will equip me, and make me into the Mother that Jakob needs. God always provides. Thank you Lord for the gift of my son. You have truly given me my petition which I asked of you. Thank you for my Mother. She is one of the greatest gifts you've ever given me. I praise you for the miracles you give to us every day, and especially for my little miracle named Jakob.