The reality of it all

I really wanted this blog to document what I'm going through in this process. I also wanted my close friends to be able to read what I'm going through and kind of understand where I'm at in my life. I know that sometimes that it is not going to be a pretty picture. I know that I am trying to stay close to the Lord and not question what is going on. I also know that more than anything I don't want to be a hypocrite. I am human too and sometimes I do question. Yesterday was a very low day for me. (I don't write this for sympathy, I just want you ladies to know the reality of it all). I am waiting on my monthly cycle to start all my medications. I have the appointment for the trial transfer on Wednesday. The longer it takes to start my cycle the more stress and problems it creates for me. I was trying to just stay busy yesterday and not think about it (it was day 32 of my cycle) My period should have come 3 or 4 days ago. Then Linda called...to check on me because I should have already started. When my doctors office calls to check that makes me go into ultra panic mode. I just hoped that she'd say "it's ok, if you don't start by Monday we'll give you Provera (which is a pill to make you start). She didn't say that. She said "call me back Monday and if you haven't started we'll talk to Dr. Ripps and see what he wants you to do. As soon as I hung up the phone I just broke down. It figures that I start my period regularly before every pregnancy test, but when it's most important I can't start. Also, I'm gonna just have to get on my high horse right now and tell you the other thing that upset me so much yesterday. Sarah Palin is John McCain's running mate for president. They just announced that her 17 year old daughter is pregnant. I know that kind of stuff happens. What really bothers me is Mrs. Palin stressing the fact that she disagrees with abortion (which believing that itself is a good thing) but the fact that she keeps acting like her daughter is doing such a great thing by keeping the baby. If the girl can take care of the baby (financially, physically, emotionally) then she should do it. People shouldn't think that they are somehow hero's or doing the morally right thing keeping a baby just because their child got pregnant. There are alot of couples in the U.S. who are just like Jeremy and I. Who for some reason God has chosen not to give us children the natural way, but who can afford to love, care for and appreciate these children. It just bothers me that people sometimes look at these pregnancies like they are their "burdens to accept". If you cannot take care of a child because of age or maybe even other issues give someone else the blessing of having a child who may not be able to have one any other way. I am not specifically talking about Mrs. Palins daughter, that situation has just brought the whole issue to the forefront of people's minds (including mine). So now you know a little of the ugly side of this situation. You have to accept your life the way it turned out and just believe God has a plan and a way that is better. Sometimes that is not easy. I know we all want to just be strong and believe God through it all, but sometimes we are just human, and we fall. I did start my period this morning, which means I can start my meds tomorrow. That is also the reason why I feel now like I can talk about yesterday. Please keep me in your prayers, some times I can deal with things and other times they're just very hard. I hope that I make it out of this with a good testimony and can be a help to someone else that the Lord works all things for our good. Knowing my friends are there for me through it all no matter what really helps. Thanks for your support.