More results

Hey everyone, I know it's been a couple of days since I had the pregnancy test done. I guess I always need a little time to just think about the results before I actually write them. They were negative again. Believe me if ever we get a positive I will probably call each and every one of you myself and tell you right away. I already knew that the test would be negative because I had started spotting on tuesday night before the appointment. When I woke up wednesday morning I was a wreck. I just hate having to go get blood drawn and everyone there is telling you it could still happen when I know my body and I know that my period is coming. I also don't like losing control of my emotions... usually I can hold them in. Obviously this time of the month is not that time. I just cried and cried wednesday morning. At the doctors office I told them that I had started spotting and I was having pretty strong cramping and they kinda looked at me like ok, but you could still be pregnant. The sweet ultra sound girl (who is pregnant herself) told me on the way out "I'm still gonna be hoping that this works out for you". I love her to death, she's so sweet but there are times when I don't need pity, or a kind word. I just had to get out of that office and be on my way. It's so easy when you have a problem to fall into this pity party and woe is me attitude. I'm learning it doesn't help anything, and with my particular issue I could let myself fall into such a deep depression that I may never get out of it. I just have to suck it up, believe that God has a plan and move on. Thankfully God did give me the grace to deal with the day and the news. Let me tell you how it happened: My mom and I were sitting in a restaurant drinking coffee and I was just contemplating our situation and maybe Jeremy and I should just adopt. I want my own biological child, I want to carry a child in my body, but maybe it's just not meant to be. I was ready to give up. This whole process is so hard emotionally for me and Jeremy and it's physically exhausting and draining. I was just tired and thinking yeah, I'm just gonna tell Jeremy that this is it. Let's just head towards adoption. All of a sudden in my thinking God just told me "if you stop now you'll never see the great things I have for you, don't give up when I'm about to move in your life. You can't quit." I am telling you I could not manufacture those thoughts or feelings in myself. I was at the end of my rope. I believe the Lord spoke peace to my heart and gave me the will to keep trying. The rest of the day I had peace. I spoke to Jill later on the phone about the negative results and set up an appointment to talk to Dr. Ripps and I didn't cry (like I thought I would). I went to church that night and I had comfort in the Lord, I had peace and I handled it better than I ever could imagine. That peace was not in me. It was from the Lord. I have to give him all the glory. We have an appointment on Aug. 20th to talk to Dr. Ripps and formulate a plan for ivf. Please keep us in your prayers as we keep searching for our tree of life. I know it's out there, we just need to figure out which one God planted just for us. Love you all. Shauna